Reply to Can swinging save sexless marriages or does it just delay the divorce?

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Reply to "Can swinging save sexless marriages or does it just delay the divorce?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
The post reads rather like it's a veiled ad for "the lifestyle" and almost as if OP will be back to drop hints on how to find these sex clubs. But whatever. Let's pretend it's all for real.

If so: OP, while you're getting plenty of validation on here that, yay, it's working, you're closer, marriage is better etc., do what works for you without judgment-- That's fine. No judgment if you're cool with how thiings are. I assume you're getting sex you want, with men other than your DH, at this place.

But bear this in mind: If he had one kink he was SO ashamed of, he could never bear even to hint at it to his own wife until, magically, one visit to a club unleashes his kink and sets him free to talk about it....He may eventually admit he has other kinks that still aren't quite satisfied with the current level of "lots of sex with wife plus sex at the club." He may want to have more sex with more people at the club, or find a different group more focused on his particular fetish or kink, or experiment with things you haven't realized he wants, and which might or might not work for you--whether he's doing those things with you, or with other partners.

I'm saying: Don't assume that this happy status quo of sex at home plus whatever is up at this one club, will be the way things continue. And you eventually might have to ask yourself if you're continuing to be OK with it, if he escalates to more and different things with more and more people. Of course, you could be the one pursuing more sex outside the marriage, rather than him. Either way, if things accelerate, you may find the problem has shifted from "sexless marriage" to "marriage so 'open' I'm not sure who my spouse is having sex with any more, and I'm not sure what he's feeling or thinking when he's having sex with [i]me[/i]." I say that without judgement for your current setup, I truly do; I just hope you realize that when you open Pandora's box, you don't get to shut the lid again, and you can't always control what happens next. [/quote]
OP here, and this is why I posted. Not the part about him wanting more and more things with more and people, but just a general awareness that I have no idea where this goes, if it goes further, how that might feel to both of us. We are new to the whole thing and we have been pretty vanilla, married over 20 years, etc. This is unknown so I was asking for experiences.

Also, it wasn’t that he magically opened up after this visit. We spent months talking and talking with me trying to figure out why he wasn’t interested. Am I ugly? Am I fat? Just too much familiarity? Someone else? ED? He would always cite stress and tiredness and he would try harder. He finally acknowledged the issue, and we started trying lots of things. That led to talking more and then the strip club idea that led to the club (I’m not advertising. They aren’t secret; you can google them and see their rules.)
As I said, this might lead to bad things but I had already thought we were doomed if we couldn’t fix it. 
We do use condoms but i know there is a risk of STDs. I’d rather get an STD than not have sex at all. We will continue for now; I was trying to get a glimpse into the possible future.[/quote]

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