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[quote=Anonymous]I totally get it OP. It's hard not to take it all personally.

One thing I try to remind myself, especially as my kids get older, is that it's actually unfair to my kids to view everything they do as a reflection on me. They are their own people. When they succeed and have victories, they deserve for those to belong to them and not have to share them with me or their dad. And likewise, when they fail or make mistakes, they can own those mistakes too. With little kids you can take that on, but as kids get older I think it's important for them to know they are their own people and their lives belong to them, not to their parents.

Also, I think about how my mom often makes my struggles in life about her, and how this always makes me feel exponentially worse. To the point where when I am going through something tough, I never want to talk to my mom about it because she can't view anything with any distance so it feels like she forces me to wallow in it. What I want from my mom is someone who can say "I know you will find a way out of this because you are a strong person and you've always figured it out before. I'm here to help if you need it but if you don't need help from me, just know I have faith in you."

I will never get that from my mom but I try to give it to my kids. [/quote]

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