Reply to I really, REALLY dislike my 2 year old

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I feel so bad admitting this out loud, but I secretly don't like my 2 year old.

My older kid has always been great. Super easy, sweet, fun kids.

DD2 has been a constant pain since she was born. Always fussy, always throwing a fit. I tried taking the kids out to dinner last night and DD2 threw nonstop tantrums, ran around the restaurant, climbed the booth, tried to knock a lamp over screamed some more, screamed the whole way there and back home. I'd grab her and sit her back down and sternly tell her to behave, and she'd just scream more. So we packed our food up and left.

She screamed all last night putting her to bed, screamed all night long that her blanket wasn't right, her pillow wasn't right. Kicks the blanket off and screams that it's off.

Even our nanny had a day where she had to leave because she couldn't take the screaming and tantrums anymore.

DD8 resents her because we basically can't go do anything fun anymore and the tantrums keep her up at night (every night bedtime is a battle). I've turned into the horrible mom who yells at her kids - in the car yesterday I screamed at the top of my lungs for her to please just stop for once.

My sister was like this as a kid and nobody liked her as a result. Even as an adult she continued to act this way and throw tantrums. I feel so trapped that I'll have to deal with this the rest of my life.

The only medical thing is schizophrenia runs in H's side of the family, and I don't know if this is the beginning of that or what. I really don't know how I'm going to deal with a kid who has schizophrenia plus screams all the time. [/quote]

Is she hitting all her milestones? Talking? Doing all the two-year old things the pediatrician says she should be doing? Have you talked to the pediatrician about any of this?[/quote]

Yes, she hits all her milestones and is ahead on many. She's an insanely smart kid. She figured out how to unlock and open the front door because she randomly decides she wants to leave the house. Crazy good talker, too.[/quote]

Some kids are just a lot - especially if they are smart and 2. When cognition starts to outpace emotional development and regulation, hoo boy. It can get wild. And if you're first was easy breezy, it makes it worse. She needs a different approach. You need some help! Talk to your pediatrician about good parent trainers or behavior specialists who can work with you. [b]Because at this point, it's you that will need to do all the work. [/b][/quote]

+1. The only way to change a child’s behavior is to change the behavior of the caregivers. This includes the nanny. Screaming at her (you) or getting so overwhelmed you have to leave (nanny) are not good.

[b]Also be very mindful of your framing that your first child is great and your second child ruined everything. Your post is dripping of that.[/b] [/quote]

+2  OP reframe this - your first kid asked very little of you and made you feel like a supermom, and your second needs more effort.  But they're smart and verbal and you're lucky to have the chance to parent them because you'll be a better parent for it, even if you need to work a little harder for it.  [b]It seems like you're transferring your long-held resentment towards your sister to your 2 year old kid, which you have to realize is unfair and inappropriate[/b].[/quote]

Very well said. Please think about this, OP.[/quote]

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