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[quote=Anonymous]I feel your pain OP. I have lived the same life only my Dad, sister, cousins and Uncles all  have ADHD too. I've been surrounded by it my whole life, which is one of the reasons I didn't really recognize it in my DH until years into my marriage. My kids are now older but I like the suggestions mentioned above (also ignore the clueless posters who don't know that ADHD has a strong genetic component). A couple of additional thoughts/ideas:

1. Consider that your DH may never medicate.  Mine has not and I stopped pushing for it because he really believed not being medicated was key to his career success. I couldn't argue otherwise as he has consistently earned a crap load of money.

2. Work with him to identify the tasks he's really good at and then have him own those tasks.  My DH cooks dinner every single night--nonnegotiable. He also washes all of the laundry, does all of the Costco runs, and manages the "indoor and outdoor" parts of the house that involve the lawn and any regular maintenance. These tasks freed me up to do the tasks that require executive functioning like remembering to sign up the kids for camps, completing school paperwork, etc.

3. Double down on the advice above re streamlining your life as much as possible. My kids did one activity a season. There was no clutter in our home because I hired someone to come in 4x a year to create piles of stuff to throw away and give away. We also kept birthday and Christmas giving small because I was the only person in charge of managing all of the "stuff" and I knew I could only do it if we controlled the amount of stuff that entered the house.

4. I took a lot of time for myself. I did girl's trips, went to the gym, did Mom's Night Out etc.  as much as I could. I needed time when I didn't have to be "on" and could just focus on myself.  It's key to not burning out.

5. Don't add any more complications.  Do not get a dog, a boat or a second house. Seriously!

6. Keep in mind that ADHD can improve over time. My husband's self regulation has gotten better and better over the years.

7. Go to marriage counseling. It helped us enormously. And, get a date night babysitter. I really needed to connect with my DH weekly in a space separate and apart from the chaos at home.  It was a game changer.

Hang in there![/quote]

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