Reply to Decision time: balancing concern for the kids with managing an overly controlling and critical partner

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband was a rager and abusive and it’s so hard to explain to people how much you can convince yourself that your marriage is pretty normal when things are NOT normal and you that you are somehow in charge of your spouse’s feelings and inappropriate behavior.

That is where OP is right now.[/quote]

So how did you break out? Since OP needs the same advice. [/quote]

I think it was sort of a unique case.  I absolutely hit my limit with him and had what I’m pretty sure was a nervous breakdown and told him I was done, absolutely done with him and want a divorce.  I was sort of too much of a mess mentally to leave for awhile so he got himself into therapy and had what appears to be a personality transplant.  It’s been over a year and he is like a different person.  Our marriage is not completely healed and I don’t know if it will ever be but it is a much healthier and happier environment for our kids.  Everyone is so much calmer now, there’s no yelling or disrespect and we never really had major disagreements to begin with.  I honestly don’t know what to make of it and how to explain it.  Part of me is still angry that if it were THAT easy for him to behave, why did he wait 15 years to do so?[/quote]

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