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[quote=Anonymous]I don't know if OP is still reading but amy advice is to make sure wife understands that making a unilateral decision, especially one involving finances, is a big problem.  You personally want to be involved in your children's lives and don't want the high paying traveling job but prefer the family friendly medium paying job. You want your kids to remember their dad being at the play and coaching little league but you can't do that with this job. Communicate that Its also stressful on you being the sole wage earner.  Although her previous job was stressful, she felt like she had the option to quit while you don't have that release valve.  If things got bad for you at work, your options are limited because you can't take that better job that may pay less etc.  If she isn't willing to consider your point of view than say, we need a 3rd party to help us communicate - it's that serious.  Sort of marriage 101 is thou shalt not make unilateral decisions and think it's perfectly fine.

Anyway, I'm sort of a Pollyanna in life and try to see the upside.  My parents had a bad marriage and while I had no control when I was a child about my childhood, I tried to learn from their marriage.  Number one is you do not make unilateral decisions.  If wife is unhappy at job, she  comes home and discusses it. This is where you get to run the numbers, figure out if this means you need to move further out where you could comfortably afford for one person to SAH long-term or agree that you would travel more for a job that pays more but don'tt want to do that for the long haul, maybe 3 years, or she looks for part-time work or tries to keep a foot in the door of her field etc. That was also the chance to talk about division of labor and expectations about a clean house  and if she hates cleaning (as I do) that's fine but she should be part of the solution to afford a house cleaner and what sacrifices she will make for it to happen.   Since getting married we purchased a house together (and yes discussion pre-kids where I said I wanted the option and didn't want to extend ourselves financially so there was no choice) and I've changed jobs 3 times.  Each job hunt was a discussion with spouse because any decision I made would impact us.  If your wife isn't willing to discuss big things, listen to your concerns, and either revise her plan, come up with solutions to your concerns and vice versa, I think there is a fundmental crack in the foundation of your marriage.  You can say kids do best with mom at home in the early  years or the years go by so fast etc but I maintain parents with a good marriage is the best thing you can give your kids and if you make decisions contrary to that under the "I'm doing it for the kids" you are lying to yourself.[/quote]

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