Reply to When the kids go to college, I'm out of this loveless and affectionless marriage

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Reply to "When the kids go to college, I'm out of this loveless and affectionless marriage"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's selfish in the sense that, beyond a certain point, such a mom isn't motivated by the reasonable needs of the child. She's responding to resolve her own anxiety about being a good mom or respond to what she perceives as social expectations about being a good mom and not being a bad mom who is, for example, shunned by the other neighborhood mommies. (Maybe she's trying to avoid the disapproving looks when other mothers find out that she has not taught Junior baby sign language or that she's not preparing her own organic baby food.)

She might get social status or the benefits of martyrdom from overdoing the mothering in way that she doesn't get from doing a reasonable amount of mothering and paying attention to their spouses.  [/quote]

Or maybe, just maybe, she (drumroll please) cares about the kids?  You have no way of looking inside her head and knowing that she has some other motivation.  And trust me, a cruel, assuming-the-negative attitude like that will turn no one on.[/quote]

Almost all of us care about the kids. That prompts us to give them what they need. Some parents, usually moms, let this care morph into something all-consuming. First couple of months - sure. After that, the kids' reasonable needs do not require a mom who is focused on nothing else. If she is focused entirely on the kids, it's not a selfless thing she does for them. There's something she's getting out of the deal -- e.g. martyrdom, social status, a handy excuse to block out other parts of her life she'd rather not be bothered with. Something. [/quote]

Ok Sherlock.  Your ridiculous speculation doesn't even merit and answer. I certainly hope you're not a parent if caring about your kids as your first priority is selfish.... If you are I feel sad for your kids. :([/quote]

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