Reply to Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.

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Reply to "Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think you need to figure out what upsets you the most and go from there. Is this a pattern on refusing to compromise? Do you generally feel like an equal partner and it's just this particular issue that he is hung up on? What is it about keeping your name that is most important to you? Are you unsure about marrying him and this is your hill to die on so you have a reason to call it off? This is an argument about a name change, but it's not *just* a name change. I think the reasons behind the strong opinions on both sides need to be examined.

FWIW, I didn't want to change my mind. When we discussed it prior to marriage he said he would really like me to take his last name. He grew up with a single mom who had her maiden name and he and his brother each had the last name of their (different) father. Having a wife and kids with his last name felt like family unit to him. When I thought about why I wanted to keep mine - spelling was much easier, it was simpler, there are no males in the family who are carrying it on, feeling like I was giving up part of myself) I decided that I was willing to give in. It's rare that he digs his feet in on something and had I really pushed back he would've respected my decision. He agreed that our first child would have my maiden name as a middle name.

None of us can decide this for you, but I really think you owe it to yourself to think hard about it before ending the relationship. [/quote]

Men marry expecting to keep their names and give their wives theirs for no reason other than tradition. Why are women expected to justify their refusal to take their husbands' name?[/quote]

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