Reply to Can’t get husband to help with Easter.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

[b]If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa[/b]. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP. [/quote]

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy. [/quote]

[b]Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. [/b]Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't. [/quote]

That's literally what I said. [/quote]

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.[/quote]

[b]It's "work" to buy Easter candy that kids like? Are you for real? Literally, it takes a swing by the grocery store after work.[/b] There are aisles of easter goods and candy. Done. She's not asking him to homestead a western territory here.

And yes, sometimes I expect my DH to do things that he "doesn't care about" just like I do. It's called compromise and marriage.

Some of you people are unbelievable.[/quote]

Are you a SAHMommy? Because some of us are beyond exhausted after work and don't want to "swing by" anywhere. [/quote]

It is not about what you WANT, it is about what a good parent would do (unselfishly).

Don’t your kids deserve a good parent? A memorable childhood?[/quote]

You contradict yourself. If it’s not work, why TF are you delegating it? Just freaking do it yourself and then STFU about it.

For OP, what was the point of NOT buying the candy when she bought the rest of the stuff? Was she just trying to prove a point?[/quote]

Maybe she just wanted him to be involved.  When I was growing up, my mom always did nearly all of the holiday stuff, but my dad always got us a book at Christmas and hid the eggs on Easter.  I always appreciated that he was part of it.  [/quote]

Was your mom equally involved in mowing grass, shoveling snow, changing the car oil, paying bills, taxes, household maintenance, coaching soccer, and any other things your dad might have traditionally done around the house? Was everything 50/50?[/quote]

Woah woah.  This was NOT 50/50.  This was like 95/5.  And yes, my mom did all of that stuff or helped us do it.  She grew up on a farm and was better at the yardwork and household maintenance than my dad.  She was a doctor and my dad was a lawyer, so she made a significant portion of our family income.  [/quote]

Your mom did 95 of the of the work around the house and your dad did nothing? lol [/quote]

She did 95 percent of the stuff to do with the holidays, and my dad bought us all books at Christmas and hid the eggs at Easter.  I appreciated that he contributed a little and didn’t do literally nothing.  [/quote]

This score keeping is so weird. My husband helps to hide the eggs I don't attribute a paltry 3% of effort to him for the Easter holiday. He pulls his weight in many other ways that matter more to make this bean counting ridiculous. The kids don't know who hides the eggs so what does it matter?[/quote]

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