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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Our family friend’s son was confident (overly so, imho😔) he’d get into one of the Ivies. He was getting so emotionally distressed after last night’s disappointing rejections. He was a regular high stats kid but with mediocre ECs. Any suggestions on how to console him? It’s hard to tell him his profile was not nearly good enough for any Ivy without hurting him. (We know many high stats kids with much better ECs getting shut out of the Ivies. They’re, though somewhat disappointed, weren’t surprised at all.)[/quote]

You dont need to console him, he has own family. You did not seem to really have much confidence in the kid by the tone in your post. He will be fine after her processes the news in the next couple of days.[/quote]

Consoling him is not your job.

IF he reaches out to you … or IF you see him and he initiates a conversation about his college results … just listen warmly and with empathy.

Acknowledge his feelings (“that’s so disappointing - I’m sorry”) without trying to reframe or “on the bright side” things for him.

This is HIS life experience, not yours. He needs to feel his feelings - even the hard ones - without the adults in his life trying to rush him past them into appreciating what he DOES have etc.

He’ll get there. Just listen with warmth and empathy if he reaches out.

If he doesn’t reach out, PLEASE WAIT UNTIL HE CHOOSES A SCHOOL, and then congratulate him and celebrate the news the same way you would if it had been his absolute first choice.

[/quote]

Thanks. This is really helpful! (His parents were venting to us. I was just stunned by the distress they described.) [/quote]

Of course they’re feeling distress.

Be a good friend. Listen. Be kind.

That means stop trying to figure out how they got to where they are now - where things might have “gone wrong”.

And don’t try to problem solve with or for them. I promise you, they’ll figure it out and come out just fine.

Being a friend sometimes means letting someone vent and share their distress. Even if we couldn’t imagine “letting our self end up in that situation” ourselves. Even if we feel like they screwed up. Even if we think the reason for their distress is “obvious” to everyone but them.

Ivy decisions came out yesterday. Be kind. Listen without speaking, except to say “I’m sorry” and “My heart aches for you all right now.”

We all wish for what we think would be best for our kids. Sometimes we’re well-informed and realistic. Sometimes we’re not. But we all love our kids and feel sad to see them sad. It’s nice to have friends who understand that.

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