Reply to Tension with Wife's Family over Finances

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Tension with Wife's Family over Finances"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My wife and I are both from successful families, but they have very different mindsets in terms of legacy, finances, and the like.  I am from a family of physicians that since my grandfather has valued leaving a legacy and paying it forward to future generations.  I had my undergraduate, medical, school, and first home paid for.  I also will receive/have already received a very generous inheritance.  I pay this forward by helping older relatives with managing their affairs (healthcare, finances, housing, etc.) and by helping younger cousins and nieces/nephews obtain prestigious internships, research, and the like.  Our family has a collective mindset when it comes to success and resources and I look forward to carrying this forward with my own children.

My wife's family despite similar if not greater wealth does things very differently.  Her father started a highly successful blue collar business which has made far more than I think anyone anticipated.  I will include some examples of irritating behavior that he has done:

- He had her take out "loans" from him informally for college and a graduate degree. He was ticked off at me once I informed him the payments on these "loans" [b]would come to an end once our marriage took place[/b].

- He and my MIL invite us on very expensive vacations and then [b]expect us to cover our own cost [/b]which can be in the tens of thousands of dollars for some of the trips he likes. They complain if we do not go.  I feel annoyed about paying for this as I feel it is essentially my parents/grandparents subsidizing him because they paid for my medical school which is the only reason I can afford to pay for these trips. The older generation in my family always covers vacation expenses.

- Similar situation with restaurants. He will propose an expensive restaurant, order expensive items, and then want to [b]split the check 50/50. [/b] Again, I feel [b]my family is subsidizing him [/b]so now I really try to get us to go to cheap places if we are dining with them.

Unfortunately,  this different mindset is causing quite a bit of tension and I am not sure how to approach delicately. My wife feels stuck in the middle and I know it would be unproductive to tell my FIL that [b]his cheap ways [/b]essentially mean my family wealth is being used to subsidize him.[/quote]

There is significant problems with your position on the bolded text above. [b]1) you don’t have any right to tell your FIL that your wife will not be paying back her loan[/b], 2) you are paying your share of the trip not his. If you don’t want to go don’t go but realize your driving a wedge between yourself, your wife and her family 3) splitting a check with your in-laws is perfectly reasonable you can skip it entirely, let your wife go without you or go less frequently 4) your family is nit in any way subsidizing anything you are paying for you and your wife (your family subsidized you) 5) you are the cheap one because you take the position that you are owed and they don’t owe you anything 6) seems like your wife doesn’t work because you don’t give the impression that the money used to pay the expense is also hers

[/quote]

+1 Correct. You have no right to say SHE won’t pay it back, the day she gets some extra money she should repay her premarital obligations.

But you are well within your right not to commingle your funds with her premarital obligation and definitely to say that you won’t be taking that on. Tell FIL to kick rocks[/quote]

You don't just not "commingle" funds after the fact. Martial assets are marital assets.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics