Reply to If you don't want sex, then shouldn't YOU be the one to leave and divorce?

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Reply to "If you don't want sex, then shouldn't YOU be the one to leave and divorce?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It doesn’t matter whether quitting sex is reasonable, justified, the other spouse’s fault, etc. Either way the ethical options available to you are the same. Live with it, open the marriage, or divorce. [/quote]

But quitting sex isn’t ethical so why does the spouse who wants sex have to ethical in response?[/quote]

Quitting sex is not unethical. It is someone choosing to respect their own feelings and physical comfort over their partners. That choice can be ethically made either way. Some people will prioritize their partners needs over their own, and that is generous but it's also self-denying. Other people will prioritize their needs over their partners. That is self-respecting but can also be harmful to their partner. There are also middle ground options people sometimes negotiate where sex is limited or there is no penetrative sex but sexual activity and intimacy still occurs. None of these choices is more ethical than the other. It's a tough choice and will depend a lot on the people, their relationship, their sexual history, their stage of life, etc.

Whereas cheating is always unethical. You can discuss it with your partner and see if you can open the marriage (or hall pass or whatever), or you can divorce. But lying to your spouse and breaking your vows is unethical. Choosing to stop having sex even though your partner would like to continue having sex is not unethical.

This is really not that different from the crises married couples sometimes face when one wants kids and the other does not, or when one wants to pursue money/prestige via work and the other wants to focus on family time and work-life balance. People will make choices for themselves, they will sometimes seek compromises, they will sometimes not be able to negotiate a solution that works for everyone and in those cases they may divorce. It only becomes unethical when people begin lying, manipulating, gaslighting, etc. If both people are honest and respectful, no ethics are breached even if one or both people are unhappy.[/quote]

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