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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We are non-White, non-Christian immigrants.  When we came to this country, it was all about survival for us. We had a few friends from our culture and we were all in the same boat. It was easy because the rules of hospitality, social connection and reciprocity was well defined.

For example, if I invite 10 people from my culture for dinner - they all will show up. If they are coming to my house for the first time they will also bring some small gifts.  Then in the next month or two, they will reciprocate with dinner etc.  The exclusion does not happen.  Every one is sort of included.

But, once these friends moved away and we came to DC, it was really different. We were without any relatives, classmates, grad school people etc.  We did ok - just DH and I, but things changed when we had our first kid.  We wanted them to have a fully socialized life so that they could fit into both our culture and American culture.  We moved from an apartment to a SFH.  There we started to host something almost every week.  We called our neighbors, more people from our culture, playdates etc.

All the invites were food based.  We did not wait for our kids to be invited for a easter egg hunt, or a halloween party, or 4th of july bbq, Friendsgiving, Games nights or play dates.   We basically did all of that and invited everyone.  And we provided food and asked parents to get other siblings too.   My kids had a ball.  And I kept throwing my social nets far and wide all the time. Over many years, I have fished out my pearls.  A friendship here, a group of firnds there, relatives, neighbors, kids friends etc.   I am willing to try everything.  Hobbies, religious groups, exercise, vacations, day trips, birthdays, anniversaries etc.  My house is set up to host all kinds of events.  I have the infrastructure in place.  It costs me time and money.  It is tiring at times but I show up to other people's life events - birth, anniverasries, death, funeral, illness...and they show up for mine.  I am not scared to meet people and invite them.  Reciprocity be damned. Most people cannot reciprocate because their lives have dysfunction and they don't know that this dysfunction is in everyone.  You just have to bust your back to clean, cook, organize, host...rinse and repeat.

Keep calling people, keep entertaining them, keep including them. You will find some good friends eventually.  My kids are out of college now. They lament how hard it is to have friends outside of college. Of course. You will never have that kind of time, same stage of life, endless energy and proximity to each other ever again.  So, what do you do? You keep being the organizer of events. You connect with friends and make things happen. You assign tasks to people. You be open to feeding people. You learn to stretch your food dollar by learning how to cook.  And you include everyone.

The beauty of this approach is that if you are willing to be open to people and hosting - you will realize that everyone is grateful to be invited because they don't have friends and a place to go. They don't have plans and invitations.  They will show up with adequate notice. And if you are willing to accomodate their families as well. [/quote]

This OP gets it. There is no secret. You make it happen. [/quote]

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