Reply to Why do children of a first marriage get priority over the spousal relationship in a second marriage?

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Reply to "Why do children of a first marriage get priority over the spousal relationship in a second marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]First, this is NOT a troll question, even though I know it's going to start a war I am curious if there are any thoughtful responses.  It occurred to me reading the current thread by an OP asking about the reasonableness of a request for money from the first wife for her stepdaughters' homecoming.

Many people believe that a marriage is at the center of a family, and that two spouses should always put each other and their marriage as their top priority even before their own children.  Even here on DCUM there have been threads in the past asking whether you love your spouse or your child more, or which is your top priority, and the responses have been mixed.

[b]With that in mind, when I read threads like the one I referenced, many of the responses are "well, the kids from the first marriage came before the second spouse so second spouse just has to suck it up since decisions don't concern him/her and the kids come first".  If a marriage should be central to a relationship and family, one might presume this would include blended families, then why is it anethma for a second wife to want a role or expect to be given some priority in their relationship.  [/b]This does NOT mean simply ignoring the kids, but understanding that the strength of the marriage is critical, regardless of whether any children involved are part of an intact family or are now children of divorced parents and stepparents.  Why does that philosophy change when it comes to a second marriage, or is it simply different people responding to the posts?

I wasn't sure whether to post this in the parentin-special concerns forum or here since it's really about the marriage.[/quote]

Because the new step is marrying into a family that already exists. She/he doesn't get to alter that family anymore than she/he gets to alter her spouse. She/he also has no rights to the children in question. No rights to decide how they are raised etc., because they aren't her kids. [/quote]

It goes both ways. Their parent has now included someone into their family. Meaning that parent has obligations to their spouse as well as family functions on the step parents side. Step parents do get to decide what goes on inside their home, and that means enforcing rules whether the ex or step kids like it or not. [/quote]

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