Reply to What should college dc be told about our divorce? DH is cheating and leaving to pursue a relationship with his mistress.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was the kid in  this scenario. Just tell dc the truth. And don’t rely on your spouse to do that. One of my worse memories was my dad like trying to explain that their sex life was bad.  No child adult or otherwise wants to hear jack shit about their parents’ sex lives. [/quote] I don't know if you read that DH took it upon himself to inform dc right away. We didn't have a discussion about it. He just did it. DC said dh told him that he had not been happy for a very long time. I asked if dh told him anything else, which he did not other than "we love you and we're here for you"  so I told dc that dh has a girlfriend and left it at that. I'm so sorry your dad brought up sex with you. That's so so bad. I'm not going to be that parent. Ugh. [/quote]

I was in your DH’s position a year ago. I had felt dead for years, [b]getting accolades all the time at work but my SAHM DW criticizing my efforts at home[/b]. Finally I met someone better and told her that I was divorcing her.

But she couldn’t look at all she did to ruin our marriage. We told the kids we were divorcing and cried and whatever. But once she saw pictures my girlfriend and I took when she was my friend and [b]I took her to Europe for a conference[/b], she went off the deep end. So I had to introduce my kids to my girlfriend so they could see [b]she’s really cool and at her age understands my kids a lot better than my ex.[/b]

Now my ex refuses to build and maintain a friendship with us. It’s so selfish and immature. You’re supposed to make things as smooth as possible for the kids’ sake, but yet again my ex’s selfishness rules.[/quote]

I am genuinely hoping you are a troll, but if not I am team ex DW.

By your own admission you were focused on all your accolades at work while, ignored your spouse when she needed more help at home, and then went off galavanting on a work trip with your younger AP who is apparently close enough in age to your children to relate to them? You are a gross cliche. Pathetic.[/quote]

Well that’s great, I share my experience and try to help OP learn from what happened with my marriage, and I get raked through the coals.

Yes I’m this PP and the one dating the lab researcher. I can understand the moralistic judgments a little because it’s not the fairy tale you read in preschool. Ultimately if you’re not famous or prominent or particularly important you just don’t understand how life really works.

My research SAVES LIVES. Some now and more in future years as our chip and grandchildren benefit from my work. I’m not saying that to congratulate myself. I just recognize that I serve a population bigger than a wife and a couple of kids.

When you’re prominent in an important field, you deal with a ton of pressures along with the praise and accolades. I have people in my facility who judge me even though they don’t REALLY know how I suffered managing my wife’s feelings and “mindfulness”.

But you know who judges me? The admin in the Bills Receivable department. The wife of the resident. The older nurse worried that her cop husband will leave her (btw he won’t because he’s not good enough to have options).

You know who doesn’t judge me? The Chief of our “Center”. My book editor. My buddy the law partner who got married in Paris last year just because.

There’s really a different world, a different set of rules when you’re important, I mean really important. People hate Trump’s “Grab them etc” comment and I would NEVER vote for him because I respect women and black people and Latinx etc. But Trump has a point, a kernel of truth in a VERY toxic set of words.

So if you can’t walk in my shoes or OP’s DH’s shoes, don’t judge. Marriage is complicated and sometimes it reaches the sell by date. Even if only one party is energetic enough to recognize it.

[/quote]

yikes 😳 [/quote]

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