Reply to How to get through to DH that doing 80% doesn't count?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I see you. I literally call my husband Mr. 80%. It’s infuriating. He’ll empty the dishwasher and when he hits 80% it’s like he decides that’s enough - and then just leaves the rest. Projects all done to 80%. He changed the door handles on our front door and left everything out all over the foyer. It’s been two months and he still hasn’t touched up the paint. Ceiling fan replacement- same. He literally can’t complete something.

Ironically he’s all over his laundry but that’s because it only affects him! (When we first moved in together he wanted to combine laundry and I said no way in hell, I see where that’s going). [/quote]

Weird.  When my husband does a home improvement project (changing light fixtures, door handles, cabinets, painting, etc.) I feel like the least I can do is clean up the work area when he’s done.  Let him have a well-earned break rather than being annoyed at him for doing something productive that benefits our family.[/quote]

+1. We look at projects as a team endeavor and try to complete them together. If DH is doing the heavy lifting of fixing, then I help him clean up. It would feel really weird to watch him and not offer to help in some way. [/quote]

It's not weird to not want to participate in an endeavor you didn't want done in the first place and is unnecessary. And as another PP noted, he doesn't get to tell me when I have to take time out to do something that he decided needed to be done. A quick "hey, I'm going to need some help here, is now a good time or later?" would go a long way. Sure thing then. When I need help (like I need something from the storage area in the garage that I can't reach and I can't be on a ladder - extreme vertigo issues where it's no longer safe for me) I make a habit of saying hey, I'm going to need help some time today on getting that from the garage, can you let me know when it might be good? I don't just decide and dump it on him and call it a team endeavor.

I'm not dumping on my husband like some of you think I am. He just has poor follow through on some tasks. That's it. It doesn't make him unloveable by any means. He's a great guy. And I'm a great woman. We're good. [/quote]

First, you are [b]absolutely[/b] dumping on him.  What would you describe grousing about him to complete strangers as doing?  Respecting him?

Second, nobody said that it’s expected for you to help - but the implication is it’s crappy to not only NOT offer to help but to also criticize the work someone else is doing, or the timetable by which they’re doing it.  If you don’t want to participate, don’t, but don’t engage in back seat driving either.

Third, you decided these things didn’t need to be done, but so many women fail to understand that this attitude cuts both ways.  (Maybe he thinks touching up the paint is unnecessary, for example.)

Obviously do whatever you want, but for your own sake I hope that you realize that pointing out all of your husband’s perceived flaws in order to commiserate with random bitter strangers on the internet is not healthy for you or your marriage, especially if you really do think your husband is great.  Misery loves company and some of these toxic complainers will try to drag you down with them.[/quote]

Well, our HOA would disagree with you about the paint. I personally don't give a crap if it's painted or not. I personally didn't give a crap if we got a new door handle. He can make these improvements all he wants. But he needs to finish them, and he doesn't get to decide for me that I have to be involved in them. Why is that so hard for people to grasp? People absolutely responded that it's weird that it's not a "team endeavor." Well, for it be a team endeavor, it has to be agreed upon to begin with. Don't you agree? You can't just declare something a team endeavor and then gripe to the person who was never part of the decision that they now have to be part of it.

And again, making observations isn't dumping on him. Asking him to clean up after himself is actually something I shouldn't have to point out, but I do, because I don't want to build resentment. [b]Why are men given such a pass to perform only part of the way?[/b] If he starts something, he should finish it. Isn't that we teach our children?

I don't need your advice on how to interact online. I commiserated with the OP of this post, who observed the exact same behavior that I see in my husband in her spouse. You don't need to be involved at all. I have been very clear I love taking care of him and that he's a great guy. Why isn't that enough for you to the point where you have to make grant statements about my marriage? You don't know me. Get over yourself. 
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Because - [url=https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/180/1218091.page#27987262]as I was told[/url] - women are socialized to accept this.

Do you agree? If yes, provide examples.
 [/quote]

Oddly combative, when women who don't want to accept it are raked over the coals and told they're miserable and their marriage sucks.[/quote]

Told by whom? Who are the people worth your consideration telling you this? The previous poster implied it's female family/friends.

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