Reply to Would you consider having a revenge affair/ fling if your spouse had an affair and you decided to stay together?

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Reply to "Would you consider having a revenge affair/ fling if your spouse had an affair and you decided to stay together?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It helps the victim spouse move on!  If you are a victim, do it.  If you want to stay because of the kids, your choice.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Cheating is cheating regardless of who did it first. Revenge cheating may make you feel better, it’sjaut a justification for being an a$$hole like the cheating spouse.

[b]Deal with it head on. [/b]Deal with the “broken agreement” or not. But anything else is just cheating. And your little better than your spouse. [/quote]

Put yourself in OPs shoes - OP sounds like she’s at DD +1 week, or 1 month? She’s having to “deal with” a lot right now. She discovered the betrayal, contemplated divorce, been to a few couples therapy sessions and reluctantly made a decision to stay for the kids. This is likely NOT a decision she wants to make but feels she must. She’s got a lot to deal with that her cheating spouse does not have to deal with. And now she has to deal with re-starting a marriage with someone she would NEVER choose to be with if kids weren’t involved. The cheating spouse is not in this same situation. He broke her trust and now is re-starting a marriage with someone he trusts.

[b]Part of “dealing with it” is having sex with someone she doesn’t trust anymore. [/b]They are starting this new relationship from two very different starting points. Maybe OP needs to have a fling to get to the starting point (or at least tell herself that she CAN have one if she wants to). Quite certain the cheating spouse isn’t going to wait for her to regain trust before they start having sex again. It’s not great to start a relationship when people aren’t honest with one other, but OP is being forced to do just that.[/quote]

OMFG. No!

You don't have to have sex with your spouse who cheated. And having a fling is inherently having sex with someone (else) you don't trust. How does fscking someone else help a spouse trust their cheating spouse?!

This is so gross.[/quote][/quote]

Do you understand how unhealthy it is to make your entire identity "victim" and then decide that as a victim, you no longer have to follow the same ethics and morals you had before?  I would dare say this is actually narcissistic behavior and suggests there was something not right with you before you became a "victim" of your spouse.[/quote]

This. If you're already a "victim" why (re)victimize yourself? Divorce a person who abuses you, go heal alone, and refuse to adopt the permanent "victim" identity (you probably had this from the start, though).[/quote]

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