Reply to Inheritance when one child has kids, the other does not

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Assuming we are talking about a sizeable sum here - open and fully fund grandkids' college funds.

Then divide what remains evenly between children.[/quote]

Nope…give each kid the same regardless
Of children.

Since most adults will pay for their kids’ college, this is just indirectly giving one adult child hundreds of thousands of dollars more.

Fund the grandkids to pass $$&s when alive but reduce what the adult child by same amount.[/quote]

I would be so upset if my inheritance was lowered because I had more kids than my sibling. My sibling sees my parents every other year. Im here with them daily. My kids help them out a lot too- weeding, cleaning plus my kids spend a lot of time with them. I don’t think my kids deserve an inheritance but don’t think that grandparents get nothing out of grandkids. I think my kids are my parents purpose for living and their lives wouldn’t have been complete. Why should my inheritance be reduced?[/quote]

It is 100% okay to give different amounts!

For example:

My sibling is always "too busy" to help with anything with the parents.  We both are a plane ride away.  Sibling has not seen parents in 9 years.  Only ever saw them prior to that because I paid for their airfare (and neice) to visit us when parents were with us.  During major medical issues, sibling refused to come and help (had no real reason not to come, they had no work at that time-ssmmer vacation, and I was willing to pay all expenses, it was just them giving their time)

Meanwhile, I help parents with everything (even from a distance), visit a few times per year, helped get them into a CCRC (Paid entry fee), am their POA and executor of the wills, etc.

When parents die, I will get repaid for the CCRC entry fee, essentially leaving little to nothing for sibling to inherit.  I don't need it, but will take it because sibling is ungrateful and unhelpful.  Parents don't really care if they give sibling much.

In reality, I'm the sibling who has helped parents for the last 25+ years with time and energy.  So it's not far fetched to understand that parents want to leave more to me.

[/quote]

Two minds here:

One - your parents should pay you back for the CCRC entry fee. I've told a friend that she needs to document every time she pays her mom's taxes in order to recoup anything from the estate if possible. The two other sisters are not contributing towards these expenses - they just can't. But she should try to figure out how she can be made as whole as possible in the most transparent way possible. So, make it as transparent as possible. You and your sis may have troubles, but minimize the unnecessary ones. My paternal aunt took nearly everything when my dad's mom died. She claimed she had been the one who covered everything. It burned my parents because she had been left the much larger parcel of land and my parents had also given my dad's mom a lot of money from their wedding as his mom was a recent widow. My aunt wouldn't take any of this into account and their relationship never recovered.

Two - DH graduated from college 2 years after older sister, who spent a lot of time traveling over the eight years after she graduated from college. She and her BF, now husband, would work jobs, save their money,  then take off on 2-3 month trips every year. Then for the next ten years she started her family and did not work outside the home. DH started working the fall after college graduation and has been working ever since. He has been more financially successful than she has since college graduation. And he began saving from when he first graduated at 22. Part of him thinks his financial success should be taken into account. BUT if he ends up covering the majority of his parents' expenses, he is not totally sold that she should inherit whatever assets remain and he should get little to none. As he says, "She chose not to save money for her own retirement for eight years. She wasn't working in a lower paid profession. She wasn't a SAHM. She worked jobs, quit them, and then took the 2-5K to take big trips. Why is that getting rewarded?"

[/quote]

Yes, my parents updated their wills to reflect that I get paid back the CCRC entry fee.  So that comes just after all other outstanding debt (CC for that month, etc).  I'm actually getting it with "interest" as you have to include some when you give/loan the money.  As it stands now, the sibling will likely not get anything.  I made sure my parents explained that to the sibling, so there is no shock.  Sibling wasn't happy, but then again, sibling never is and is always about "you need to help me because I don't make as much". And sibling has made so many bad choices in life and never learns to manage finances so it's their own fault if they have a rough retirement.

Now sibling could use the money way more than me---I don't need it at all.  But sibling isn't entitled to anything when they don't wish to help at all.  Both myself, my spouse and my parents are sick of that.  If we see the sibling we have always paid for everything.  And as I said, sibling has not visited parents in 8-9 years.  Yet finds time and money to travel to see boyfriends family.  So the end result is yes, parents get to decide how to give their money.

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This makes no sense to live in a community to pay an entrance fee.  There are plenty of communities that have no fee.[/quote]

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