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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks to OP and others who have shared for giving me some solace in a week when I was feeling a little bit sorry for my spinster childless self.

I got very close to marriage a few times, and in the comfort of cohabitation I saw the red flags of how many men behave once a woman moves in and is 'secured' as partner. Sadly even in 2020s we have many men - including many young men, because this pattern gets perpetuated from one generation to another by sons watching their mothers do the bulk of housekeeping and childcare and growing up to expect the same from a partner - who simply don't pull their weight. These men act like entitled teenagers in their marriages and then wonder why the spark dies and the wife wants nothing to do with them sexually. Resentment breeds on both sides and thus we have high rates of divorce and high rates of dissatisfaction in marriages that do stay intact including high rates of infidelity.

I just saw an article about the anniversary of the women's strike in Iceland, and how women there are still complaining about inequality and misogyny. Someday we women have to figure out how to change this, because quite obviously men on the whole will never be motivated to change a status quo which so richly feeds their egos and enriches their lives. Some men are feminists, some men get it and some even step up and try to live in their marriages or other relationships as equitable investors in the work of keeping a home and family. But the large majority are not stepping up and are happy to have all the free time they gain from the labor of their wives and girlfriends.
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Agreed. I am in a long-term marriage where we both earn about the same amount, have no kids by choice, and we both pull our weight and support each other. And we truly enjoy each other's company and contributions to our shared life. Why, in the discussions about 'having it all' being an impossible situation for women, is there not more discussion around not having kids? It seems to me that many of these entitled men who don't pull their weight are banking on the fact that the wife will have no choice to step up because it's unfair to subject children to the lowest common standards for diet, cleanliness, structure, etc. Without kids in the equation that leverage is gone. [/quote]

I am really happy for you and the life you've created for yourself, but for me -- I just really wanted kids. Actually, I stopped at one specifically because of the issues that arose with inequity in the household and also just society generally (no matter who we put down first as the point of contact for our kid, the daycares/school/activity will always call me directly and never my DH, it is infuriating). But for me, not being a parent would have been a huge loss. It's just not the life I wanted for myself. I also have a career and am reasonably successful, but I've never been passionate about it the way I am about parenting.

To be honest, this fact does actually help me to accept some of the unequal division of labor, because if I wanted to have kids, since I didn't find one of those unicorn DHs who happily takes on half of the labor at home, this was how it was going to be. I had a kid later in life and this really was my "one shot." But it's still frustrating because it's not like my DH didn't want to be a dad or I tricked him into it -- he was 100% on board and often says that being a parent is the most important thing in his life. Yet he STILL pulls a lot of the behavior discussed on this thread, from just ignoring tasks until they get so bad I have to do them, to feigned incompetence, to acting like I just have impossibly high standards because I think our kid's hair should be brushed before she leaves the house in the morning. He can really act like a child sometimes (and no, it's not ADHD -- it's entitlement and laziness).[/quote]

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