Reply to Would you confront your husband/wife's Emotional Affair lover?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Would you confront your husband/wife's Emotional Affair lover?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]This is not complicated. Affairs are WRONG. You can say whatever you want to justify it, you might feel better when you do, but at the end of the day, it's still wrong.[/quote]

actually, it is complicated. Affairs are wrong, but so is withholding sex and affection from you spouse, so is years of verbal abuse, berating, and belittling our partner, [b]so is years of putting your own needs above those of the family[/b], so is refusal to discuss either fixing or ending the marriage without threatening a nasty divorce that will ruin the kids lives.

fwiw, I am not in the above-type marriage, nor have I had an affair (I'm relatively happily married) but I've seen a lot of bad shit over the years, and known people on both sides of the equation, and I think that while its not fair to blame the innocent spouse for the affair, sometimes life is complicated and people fuck up and make bad decisions. Affairs can be ways to survive in an unhappy, dysfunctional marriage, they can also be expressions of an unconscious desire to force change in the current situation, they can also be the product of confused thinking, of victim mentality, of drug/alcohol abuse, of boredom and immaturity, of a profound loneliness while being married (which is worse than loneliness while being single, in my book). It's not the answer, but I think the black and white mentality that puts people who have affairs in the "bad" camp and those who don't cross the line in the "good" camp isn't really helpful if you want to understand why people make these choices, and how to move beyond them and grow and change and have more satisfying relationships. [/quote]

Having an affair IS putting your own needs above those of the family.  In case you weren't aware.  Complicated or not, it is STILL WRONG.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics