Reply to Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP. I briefly skimmed the rest of the thread, I’m sure it’s the usual cluster. A couple of things:

My 98-year-old grandmother who was very close to her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren went to her deathbed [i]also[/i] very proud of her work. Her hard work brought her family from being just above the poverty line to having a kid who was the first-ever college graduate in the family, changing the course of the whole family. I saw the usual privileged twaddle in this thread about people regretting work on their deathbeds a page or so back, but don’t let those scare tactics affect how YOU see work. It is not the same for everyone.

Work can be more than just an income. It can be intellectually challenging, fun at times, a social outlet, an identity outside of parenting, etc. For some reason a lot of people think this is valid for men but not women. 🤷‍♀️ Do not silence your own internal voice to satisfy external voices who don’t know you.

I stayed home and I worked. Kids in college now. In my experience the santimommies who, when the kids were young, prattled on publicly about how they work to be a good role model or how they stay home because they don’t want strangers to raise their kids/they love their kids more turned out to raise entitled nightmare teenagers. Interestingly working or SAH made very little difference. So, I’d beware of advice from the loud people who believe that there is only one way to raise kids and their way is the best way (working or SAH). They raise obnoxious kids.

Life is long. You have the fortune (literally) to try a path and reverse it if it doesn’t work. Rather than making this a really big decision, why don’t you chunk it into a time period? Eg here is what it will cost for me to take a six month leave of absence or quit for X time, and we will evaluate after? I think some of your anxiety may be that you are looking at this as a lifelong decision and it doesn’t have to be.

Good luck to you. Ignore the people who are dismissive. You will be okay! [/quote]

+1 I've had a 20+ year career and also been a SAHM. Obnoxious parents raise obnoxious kids.[/quote]
+2 they start parroting their parents very early on and years down the road, none of the kids want to hang with them for being so judgmental. Then the parents blame everyone else as they always have. Feedback loop, kid starts repeating more judgmental points and kids reject them more. Just teach your kid acceptance if you want them to have friends![/quote]

Exactly right. I sometimes wonder whether the super judgmental DCUM posters realize how terrible their relationships with their kids are going to be in a few short years, and how they are socially hamstringing their kids.

There’s a mom of five who used to post here, though haven’t seen her in awhile. She was really nasty to young mothers who were trying to figure out daycare and working or staying home etc. But she also used to post about how she didn’t see her new grandkids until months after they were born, even when they lived close. She never seemed to make the connection. It was honestly sad. [/quote]

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