Reply to How do you stay married to an ASD HFA Aspergers husband?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "How do you stay married to an ASD HFA Aspergers husband? "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]PP and these recent posts all ring so true for me.

My MIL and BIL have tried their best to ignore me for 25 years and when they’re with my husband, the three of them don’t interact with anyone else. Like: [b]my children and I siting at the table with them.[/b] It’s soooo bizarre but I also have come to realize that they are each other’s safe place.

My FIL and MIL never did anything with their children or tried to engage with them. They basically had them work in the family biz and that was family time.

Being married to me has really opened my DH up to what a family can be and to what emotional connection is but he still struggles with it daily and is beyond socially awkward. [/quote]

This is exactly what happened to me when we took DH's parents out to a very nice restaurant in the city where they live. DH's mom sat next to me and across from her only grandchildren, and said not a single word to us. She spent the entire meal speaking with DH (who sat next to her) and to her other son and her husband. The four of them were in their own little world. When I pointed this out to DH, he hadn't even noticed it. I told him I was never taking his parents out to dinner again, and we haven't. It was humiliating to me, but I don't think his mom even realized what she was doing. I think all four of them are on the spectrum, but DH presents better and is more successful in his career. And he's married to me, which gives him the appearance of a NT person, which he is not. [/quote]

Interesting. So you think the correct response to neurodiverse behavior is to declare yourself “humiliated” and refuse to ever go out with them again. Wow NT behaviors just seem so normal and kind. [/quote]

I only take people to nice dinners if they appreciate it, have back & forth conversations, and don’t neglect others around the table. You could even call it quid pro quo in PP’s case. [/quote]

Oh god. Getting major narc/borderline vibes. “You didn’t pay enough attention to meeeeee at dinner, you are so evil and bad! I will never ever be seen in public with you!”

Between a borderline and a person with autism, I will always pick the latter. [/quote]

What does whatever you wrote have to do with the woman whose MIL and BIL ignore her and the grandchild for an entire dinner and just talk to themselves? [/quote]

This person who wrote the weird narc post is a troll.  Other than trolling, I have no idea why this person is posting on this thread. S/he has nothing to say to the OP. [/quote]
I wrote that. And yes I stopped taking my aspie in laws in beach trips, day trips, nice restaurants, and nice gifts. They never cared about the gifts or experiences and they don’t care that the only person in the lives who does them, stopped offering them up. They don’t care and now I don’t either. Win, win!

Loccidtane lotions gift? MIL gave them to her cleaning lady. I rec’d a plastic hair brush.

Beach trip with our family? I was asked “how do you know this is a top 10 beach, you haven’t been to the others, it’s just an article”.

What’d you think about our cool day trip to annapolis?  Silence, no thank you even.

Let’s go to this great German restaurant!  Get there, FIL asks for a pizza.

Yeah, btdt, no thanks. [/quote]
Yes lifeand relationships get so much easier when we don't impose our views on others.[/quote]

Agreed but the problem with masking is people will say they are into these things and do them and then just drop them rather than being authentic.[/quote]

Well that’s not actually what masking is as discussed in the literature. And I’m sure you’d be totally accepting if they were up front![/quote]

No but that's the point. If you want to do nothing together find someone who likes that lifestyle. Don't have kids. Work a small job and live in an apartment and come home and watch TV and hang out with friends.[/quote]

What does that have to do with masking?
People with autism like to do things. They are not shut-ins. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics