Reply to If H takes this job, it’s going to break me.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's absolutely possible to find a husband who doesn't dump all the work on you.  My brother has been a SAHD and is the primary caretaker for his kids (his wife's job requires a lot of travel, he works remotely part time).  My husband and I share childcare equally.  When I drop my kid off at preschool half of those doing dropoff and pickup are Dads.[/quote]

Yeah, it's possible. But there are still norms and averages.  Most women get shafted, taking on more than the man.  Getting back to OP, though, she is in a situation where its not just inequitable, it's *entirely* on her. Its a rare circumstance where divorce may be the rational solution. He seems to be functionally not really a husband already so formalizing it and moving on seems sensible.  [/quote]

The way to stop the norms is to fight them.  Dump lazy man babies. Make it spcialy unacceptable.  Millennial Dads spend three times as much time with their kids on average than their fathers did.  Keep the trend going.[/quote]

It's not really practical to divorce a man bc he cleans only 70% as much as hou. It makes more sense to just slowly turn up the dial.  Women now have a better deal than before. But dont kid yourself, this is a widespread and persistant problem and probably wont be solved by blowing up most families.   [/quote

Yes. I took on 90% of the housework and childcare while I encouraged my DH to keep working towards a goal. I was stressed out with my own job and knew I didn’t really want to move up. When DH achieved the goal, I flat out quit. Now I’m a SAHM and take on the same 90% while he now has to handle the 100% financial side. [/quote]

I did the opposite.

Once kids were back in school, I said F you, massively upgraded jobs in another state, moved with the kids, set up the whole new house/schools/sports/church myself, he flies in a few times a month. We have an au pair, grandparents fly in if I have long travel.

It’s better for everyone. Even extended fmaily knew it’d be better sicne they saw his laziness, slobbishness, and selfish work addict nature. And I can structure a 2-3 day weekend for him and us or the kids ‘ores easily than every night or every day or weekend.

I had to be very outgoing for the kids to make new friends and find the right activities and levels. Now on year 3 and all middle school and we are very happy. Spouse never cared, yet thinks he does care and so so much.  [/quote]

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