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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]https://nami.org/Support-Education/Support-Groups/NAMI-Family-Support-Group

https://helplinefaqs.nami.org/article/50-how-can-i-get-help-support-for-hoarding-behavior

https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Mental-Health-Conditions/Obsessive-compulsive-Disorder

That a child is living in the home of a hoarder and is being encouraged/groomed to imitate mentally ill disordered eating as a coping strategy is tragic. While it is convenient for the adults to see the struggling child as a little adult, everyone is failing her. Y'all need to do what you can to give her the chance to be more than a mentally ill shut in herself as an adult. She is under way more stress than a child should be and is not having any healthy coping behavior taught or modeled.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/dirty-little-secret-help-for-children-of-hoarders#1[/quote]

This is what's going to happen. That's been my experience.  "SIL" we'll call her for the sake of this thread, was threatened by the mere thought of her DC eating healthy food and actively pushed junk food -- which she brought -- when there was a choice (family gatherings). DC got fatter and fatter and fatter, just like "SIL". Guess what, people like that don't often leave home. [b]In fact, they drop out of high school and keep their parents company for the rest of their lives. What a waste.[/b]

OP, I'm glad you are beginning to think about how you can help your SIL and her family. Ignore the posters who claim this is about fat and fat shaming. It's not. Keep going.[/quote]

[b]THIS is the tragedy that BIL and loving extended family should be working to divert, yet no one even pays lip service to caring about her future. 
[/b]
The obsessive, co-dependent focus on the most mentally ill of the 3 as a gatekeeper or necessary change agent is BS. Troll or you seem dysfunctional too, OP. SIL will likely never change. BIL has allowed his child to be neglected, malnourished and groomed into disordered eating, likely a coping mechanism for dealing with the stress of more or less raising herself.

Uni? Are you from the US? How do you know so much detail about the childhood meals of your husband's brother's wife, OP? And yet breezily mention your niece and HER own disordered eating and raising herself so breezily and offhand, late in the the thread? [/quote]

OP here. There is so much to unpack I can't put it all out in first post.  Also I have known SIL for over 25 years.  We vacation together etc over the years. I know a lot about her childhood BC she is very talkative and I actually enjoy hearing and  sharing about different experiences growing up, etc.  She and I have spent years and years talking about everything including day to say life.  The only thing we've never talked about is her struggles with health, diet etc   she'll skirt around it sometimes. [/quote]

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