Reply to If you forgave infidelity, how did you do it?

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Reply to "If you forgave infidelity, how did you do it?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Don't stay with a spouse who cheats just "for the kids." That's a terrible burden to put on them. [/quote]

How is that a burden on them? So I shouldn't have married either because I married for the kids. Yes, he is wonderful man, but we would have remained boyfriend/ girlfriend if I did not want kids

I guess it's different for those who marry primarily for romantic love. I love my DH very much. But I did not marry him because of that. I married him because I thought marriage was the best institution under which we could raise children. So staying for those children can still make sense if he cheats.[/quote]

Why do you keep giving advice when your spouse hasn't even cheated? It's all very theoretical for you. I don't think you understand that cheaters cheat the same way an alcoholic drinks too much. They justify it over and over. It's not a one time thing usually. Are you from another country where divorce isn't allowed or is really frowned upon? In the US it's not as big of a stigma. In fact it would be weird to know about your spouse having sex with someone else and you still staying in the marriage.[/quote][/quote]

Are you from a country where not divorcing a spouse who cheated  is a stigma? Now that's weird.[/quote]
In America, women who don’t divorce their cheating spouse absolutely face stigma. [/quote]

This is true but women who leave face a stigma too, if they have kids. [/quote]

Nowhere near the stigma of those that reconcile.

And men whose wives cheat face the biggest stigma.[/quote]

IME, all divorced or single women with kids face huge stigma - we have gone outside the control of men.  Often we are seem as threats to the marriages around us.  The single woman is seen as someone who will “steal” the spouse. [/quote]

+1 I have heard time and time again how a woman with was selfish for not staying in the relationship because she should have just dealt with her issues rather than blow up her kids’ lives. And some people definitely avoid divorced people and think there is something wrong with them. Like “well she must have something wrong to drive him to cheat.”

And of course you hear the “she stated? She has no self-respect” or “she must be staying for the money.”

You really can’t win. [/quote]

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