Reply to Those in your 40s and 50s, if you had kids later in life, do you regret it?

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Reply to "Those in your 40s and 50s, if you had kids later in life, do you regret it?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here we go with this same tired old topic again.

Look, the bottom line is simple:  it's better to have kids young.  Biology prefers it for a reason.

Of course older mothers are going to disagree, because they have to validate their choices or circumstances.  [b]All of this baloney about the benefits of having kids older -- being financially secure, having fun in your youth, etc. -- benefit the [i]parents[/i], not the kids.[/b]  If, for example, you're a struggling grad student, having a kid doesn't hurt the kid because your future earnings potential is presumably high.

That's what we did.  We got married in our early 20s, got our kids out of the way while going to grad school, and had all four before we were 30.  Now our kids are full grown, and the parents of their kids' friends are closer to our age than theirs.  And our kids didn't suffer economically, academically, or socially because we didn't wait until the timing was "perfect" by DCUM's definition.  To the contrary, they thrived.  [/quote]

That’s entirely untrue. I had young parents. They were perpetually stressed about money, and had mediocre emotional regulation at best. They mellowed out a lot when they got older and matured.  They should’ve waited 10 years and my sister and I might’ve had a better childhood. [/quote]

My family actually did this experiment. My grandmother had my uncle and father at 29 and 25 and my aunt at 47 (oops!). There is no question that they were much better parents to my aunt who is in turn a much emotionally healthier person.  It is far better to have emotionally regulated parents and a solid foundation in childhood but potentially lose them earlier than to suffer with disregulated parents.   Older parents can definitely be better for children than immature parents.  It would have been profoundly selfish for me to have my kids at a young age when I lacked the mental health to be a good parent.  [/quote]

Of course you are telling your anecdote. I’ll tell you mine. My parents were in their 40s when I was born. They were selfish, disinterested parents. My spouse’s parent were 18 & 19 when the oldest sibling was born and 21 and 22 when my spouse was born. My spouse, by far, is more emotionally stable than I am. Even though my parents had degrees, stable jobs, etc., that had lived for years only caring about themselves. I was inconvenient to them, even though they said they wanted me. [/quote]

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