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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]….how do you manage not repeating this with you own kids?

FTR I don’t hit my kids. But I will admit to sometimes being so filled with rage when they are being especially difficult that I get overwhelmed with the urge to do what I experienced as a kid. I always manage to fight it off but it is hard. Harder than I think it should be.

Anyone else in similar shoes? If you were beaten (whatever your own definition of corporal punishment is and your own line of what’s acceptable) do you have a hard time avoiding a repeat of the past? [/quote]

I think it's a battle that you have to continue to fight. I had a pretty bad childhood with hitting and emotional abuse. Now, I have a son with ADHD (which can be more trying than what is typical).

One thing that has helped OP, is that I've let things go. I don't need to feel personally affronted because my DS isn't listening/responding to me as an authority figure. I also don't need to solve the primary issue (disobedience, lying, defiance, etc) in the moment. When I make it personal or feel that I need to immediately punish a certain behavior, situations have tended to escalate into anger on both sides, power struggles, and feeling that terrible anxiety/anger/helplessness that I felt as a child.

Real authoritative parenting will come from keeping a positive relationship with your child, teaching them to manage their own emotions, implementing reasonable consequences when everyone is calm and more thoughtful, and maintaining moral authority. You lose the moral high ground when you've lost control of yourself in anger-- your child will repeat your patterns, and they won't respect you. [/quote]

Wow, as someone still struggling with my own rage, I thank you for putting that so clearly.[/quote]

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