Reply to I finally set a boundary with in laws and they made me feel bad

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is the weirdest thread 
No wonder so many women feel depressed and overwhelmed and burned out
If you ever say no, if you ever put your needs first, if you ever say the phrase ‘mental health’ out loud you get excoriated. Not just by your family who may belittle your needs, but by strangers on the internet apparently 
We are 2 years into a pandemic. As if working ft with 2 kids generally isn’t enough pressure 
Women need to stop abusing each other by setting impossible expectations that if you don’t meet, you are a bad person. Everyone loses [/quote]

Why host if you feel so much pressure? Sincere question.

The pandemic would have been the perfect excuse to just take the day off and rest.

[/quote]

I imagine if the mil gets angry about being asked to come in the afternoon on Xmas eve, [b]not hosting was not on the table for op [/b]
I dont think hosting is the issue here. Is like saying ‘if you don’t want people to come 6 hours early then don’t have a birthday dinner’ [/quote]

Would MIL have beaten her up for not hosting? What does this mean?

MIL and FIl have been coming over earlier. OP sends a text a day before to change plans, and you and her are surprised that the message is not well received?

The issue is unreasonable expectations that OP has set for herself, her DH, her MIL etc(too little expectations for her DH and too much for herself and her MIL)[/quote]

Op - there is no tradition of them coming over at a certain time on Christmas Eve. This is the first time they have ever stayed on xmas eve bc we never used to have the space 
They just typically arrive several hours before dh has communicated to arrive at all times. Even if half way through the working day. 
To me it’s really odd and inconsiderate. I figured it was a long standing miscommunication/ that dh hadn’t been clear ever. But experiencing it for myself what I found is they do hear but don’t want to be respectful of arrival times [b]if not convenient for them. [/b]
I just fundamentally think that’s not fair, I would not do that to them [/quote]

What does that mean specifically? How is the arrival time not convenient? Usually there is a mutual agreement about the timing of things it's not a formal invitation but should be convenient to BOTH parties.  You're leaving something out.[/quote]

I mean I’m not sure how to explain why a 3 hour early arrival time is not convenient 
For example they are coming over to see the kids when they get home from aftercare. We say - the kids will be home at 530 so come then. But they come at 230. Dh and I are both working out of a small apartment and pil then sit in the living room watching loud tv, which means one of dh and I has to do hours of zoom calls from a bunk bed. That’s just one (real life) example [/quote]

The "them" seems to refer to the grandparents. For some reason(s) 5 wasn't convenient (too dark). How far are they traveling? What concerns do they have about such a late arrival? You have concerns about their arrival time but sounds like they do as well and the proposed time doesn't work. This isn't a birthday party at a set time, with visiting relatives normally there is an agreed on time that works for everyone. Why do they want to arrive early exactly? To spend more time with everyone?[/quote]

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