Reply to Messed up marrying the wrong guy, where to go from here

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm very glad my mom didn't divorce my dad who is in academia. We had a simple life in a small town but they invested well and now get to travel and have nice cars. He was an amazing father and was present growing up- I had many fun afternoons in his office playing with his typewriter or hanging around the college..

They will celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary this summer. My brother and I are still very close with them- we all vacation together.

OP you don't respect him because you value money, ambition, upward mobility etc. If you read about what makess people happy in the long run- it's not these things. It's family and relationships.

https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-has-been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life/[/quote]

Your dad had a job. You say it is about relationships//she does not feel she has a partner. That equals a lack of a relationship. This is not just about money. Yo can tell from the post that there is no love here…or it is gone. A bad relationship or lack of a relationship is not good. Your post is irrelevant to her situation.[/quote]

Op here: if he stayed in academia, I would've been so much happier. I encouraged him to stay. But no, he didn't want to play department politics, he didn't want to take &^$# from anyone and be his own boss. Well, he is not his own boss. I don't call "doing whatever I want even though it impacts my family" being "your own boss". Our kids see it and they are starting to ask questions. Why is Mom always on pick up/drop off duty? Why is mom the one booking vacations? Why is mom the one arranging house repairs, take us to a doctor, buying groceries? What does our Dad actually do? Oh, he own his own business. Well, where is it? We don't live in a "small town", we live in DC. It is expensive to live in this area. I offered to move. He declined but his "business" is here.[/quote].

Didn’t you say you have a 2 y/o? [/quote]

Ikr - I thought OP’s child is 2.  Meanwhile I do almost all the household things noted in the post above, and my high school ages kids have no concern about which parent does what.  Those things just magically get done.  They only way they’d be aware that mom does the repairs or heavy lifting on planning vacations is if I made a production out of it.  Just give your husband a hammer and to do list (maybe divvy the list up with your kids too if they are old enough to help) rather than feeling resentful. 
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