Reply to I can’t say this to my kid’s face, of course, but...

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

When I read these kind of posts or hear things like this from others, I always think the real issue is the realization and regret of the wasted time, effort and money that went into all of it with the expectation of the pay off.  The reality becomes the student ends up in pretty much the same place they would have been without all of that. [/quote]

I tend to think the problem is that the expected payoff is so narrowly defined (acceptance to a particular set of schools). I know OP isn't ready to hear or accept this yet, so I wasn't going to type it. But, what I see in OP's post is a bright kid who is a hard worker and who has the ability to do well in life, regardless of which college he attends. [b]That's the reward for all this effort[/b], and it's a pretty powerful one, in my opinion.[/quote]

That is not a perspective most are willing to accept - the process of learning is what will reward you in the long run, not the immediate goal of a T10 or T20 acceptance.

I believe in supporting our kids to let them know that their hard work has meaning no matter what the outcome is.  If the parents can't even give that validation, it will be hard for the young mind to accept an unfavorable outcome and see the silver lining.

When DC started the process of drafting list of schools the Spring before senior year (as part of the college counseling process at DC's school), DH and I spoke to DC at length about plan B & plan C which includes going to a local CC while working a part time job in the major field before transferring to the state flagship.  Keep in mind, DC is a kid in top 10% of class, SAT north of 1500, APs (with 5s on exams), ECs, sport, music and a ton of community service.  Our point is not to set DC's bar low, but to show DC there is more than one way to get "there", whatever "there" means, academic success, professional success, personal fulfillment and growth, etc.  DC went into the process with a wide range of apps (11 in total) and has been accepted at 7 (EA and RD), including T10 and state flagships local+OOS.  When the MIT rejection came, DC was content and understood the odds DC faced this year (28K apps for 621 spots during RD round).  DC embraced the news as well as the understanding that this door (for now) is closed.

Hang in there OP, this phase shall pass and your student will be successful given the work ethic he/she has developed.  Don't ever lose that.

To that 8th grade parent, don't despair, your child has a long way to go.  This is an unique admission cycle and the landscape in 4 years may be very different.  Focus on that work ethic and curiosity for learning.  It will all work out in the end.[/quote]

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