Reply to Does a blended family actually work?

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Reply to "Does a blended family actually work?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I agree that there will never be a "family" in most of these instances.  There should never be force or demands to try and make it so.  But.

Why is it so hard to simply be welcoming to new spouses?  Why doesn't the Golden Rule ("Do Unto Others...") apply in both directions?

You may not like your parents new partners. And they may not like yours either.  A little respect for the important roles they play would be a simple step in the right direction.

My DH's Son In Law takes financial advantage of his daughter, likes to gamble, likes to drink, has a family with felons and a history of domestic violence, is extremely political, has an entire cache of guns and can't string together a cohesive sentence on anything of importance.

SIL is not the kind of person my DH thinks is a good partner but his daughter picked him whatever her reasons. My DH has been welcoming, has conversations with SIL as best he can, has had some one-on-one time with him, speaks to him on the phone, asks his daughter how he is doing when he is not there, and always remembers his birthdays.

In other words he shows respect for the fact that this is who his daughter chose even though he doesn't care for him.

Why is it so difficult for many adult children to do the same for their parents' choices? 
[/quote]

Because some of our parents are asking for a lot more than that-- they want us to actually be "family" not just with the person they married, but with that person's adult children and that person's parents.  It's a huge time commitment to actually do that.  (Not so much if all they want is for us to lie and say we're a big happy family without actually being one, but that's annoying.)  And because some of us were forced against our will to live in the same house with objectionable people, which is far more difficult.  This isn't about being polite or showing respect.  It's about priorities and the fact that the logistical burden on adult children of divorce is a lot already.

Also, an aging parent is vulnerable in ways that an adult child is not.  We have to keep our eyes open for elder abuse and financial exploitation.[/quote]

PP, how would you feel if this nasty man were your stepfather and you were forced to live with him (and his guns) and he had parental authority over you?  That is what a lot of us ACOD's have been through.  We don't want any more of it.[/quote]

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