Reply to Drafted letter to other woman’s husband

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sending a letter like that makes YOU look crazy.[/quote]

Completely depends on the tone.[/quote]

Wrong. I have gotten one of these letters when I had broken it off when an ex-fiancee to say he had been cheating on me for more than a year. The tone was nice "women sticking out for women" bull. I was really angry. I would have preferred not to get such a letter. I was very upset someone thought they had the right to but into my life. People should mind their own business. No one has any idea what goes on in someone's relationship and they have no right to "out" anyone. It is not their business. Despite her nice tone, I thought the woman was a nutcase. [/quote]

I think in this situation when the marriages have been over 20 years in length and there are children involved on both sides, it's VERY DIFFERENT than a person you weren't even married to yet.  You cannot begin to understand the ramifications of the cheater's actions.[/quote]

NP.  I think this is all the more reason NOT to tell.  I'm currently divorcing DH bc I found out he cheated.  I'm losing everything -- friends, family, financial security, companionship, my home.  I would've rather stayed ignorant, and that's not up for debate.[/quote]

I was waiting for someone to post this.  What the heck am I supposed to do if I find out my spouse cheated?  Throw away my house, my social circle, my retirement dreams, seeing the kids and soon to be grandkids on holidays. Over sex?  I can't unhear that. Super selfish for some other woman to make that decision for me and my family. [/quote]

That's crazy thinking. It's up to you how you handle a DH who stabs you in the back.

Blaming anyone for giving you the bad news is deflecting from the real problem. It's like blaming the cops who catch the criminals.  Many women stay with a cheater because of the money and kids. That's ok. You don't have to love a cheater, and can consider them dead but stay for all the benefits. Many women do. Just don't blame decent people for doing the right thing.[/quote]

Many relationships have a DADT kind of agreement or understanding. Go, have sex, but don’t bring drama and emotions home. Don’t tangle that life with the life you’ve built. Most affairs are short term and end on their own once boredom sets in - not ever spouse feels the need to blow up everything else over some sex.

When someone drags them into the drama, it changes everything. [/quote]

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