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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, hugs to you. This is a really horrid situation and like others have said, there is NOTHING you can do about it unless she poses a physical threat to your child or is bringing drugs or abusing alcohol around your child. Otherwise judges Do. Not. Care.

Your child absolutely needs to feel free to have a relationship with their dad without any guilt or pressure from you.  Don't make that difficult. Make it clear to your child that it makes you happy to know that she has fun when she is with her dad. Don't pepper her with questions about what happens at her dads house but when she does share stuff she enjoyed, show enthusiasm and tell her how cool it is that she has that kind of dad that does stuff like that with her.

As for the OW.... the tricky part here is going to be handling the elephant in the room. Does your child know this woman's role in your divorce?  At 13, your child probably knows more than you think, and kids always, always find out about affairs. Always.

Be very careful about answering questions about the OW. The most current and modern research from child psychologists suggests that participating in the cover up of an infidelity in a situation like this can be lead to a second trauma for the child (the first being the divorce) when the eventually learn the truth and wonder why adults they thought they could trust lied to them.  At the same time, we all know that 13 is a tough age and not all kids at that age are capable of understanding that parents are fallable, good people can make bad decisions, and that it is ok to love someone even if they did something very hurtful to someone else that you love. Because that's all some complicated and heavy shit that most adults struggle with.

In my case, the kids remembered the OW from before their dad and I were divorced. She was his secretary (how original, I know) and we had socialized with her family and children on several occasions. [/quote]

We have never discussed her directly, but my child knows that their father had multiple girlfriends throughout the marriage. I don't think my child knows that his current whore is the one that ruined our marriage. They started "dating" when my child was an infant. [/quote]

So why did you stay? you knew your husband was unfailthful since her infancy, why did you continue to have this drama as a daily part of her existence for 13 years, instead of  cutting your losses early? You could have had 11-12 years to adjust and a new and healthy relationship for yourself.

Seem preferablly to hanging onto dead wait, and trying to sabotoge your child's relationship with her father because of your hurt feelings.
[/quote] It was a complicated situation I wanted to keep my family together. Him being with several women didn't sting as much as him having a long relationship with one woman. That's not why I posted today. this isn't about me and I don't want to ruin my child's relationship with their father. My intention in keeping them away from the other woman is to protect them. I don't want them to be confused and feel that they have to choose between us. I am pretty sure the other woman can't have children so she will probably try to steal mine. [/quote]

Thirteen is old enough to explain why you were divorced. You can't hide it from them, kids will hear it from other relatives. My niece told me how her mom stalked her old bf just before her child support ran out. Married with 3 kids, but she got him to dump them and he married my ex sil who is a witch. That poor guy doesn't have a good relationship with his grown kids today and they moved far away from him. All the relatives on both sides talked about it and still do.

Best to be honest and the kids will decide. My suggestion would be to have a meeting with your ex and daughter to talk about the visits. Let your child voice her opinion, but be prepared he obviously put outsiders over his own blood. So right there you know where your daughter stands. So does she.....[/quote]

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