Reply to Wife refusing to pitch in with help with aging mother

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Your wife is doing your whole family a favor, OP.

The level of dementia your mom has is unlikely to be handled well with check ins. It will get worse. You and your sister and dad want to pretend otherwise. All of you need to come up with a long term plan NOW while you have a little bit of time. You need to look into nursing homes or adult daycare centers, something. It sounds like you, your sister and your dad want to stick your heads in the sand and pretend that if you “pitch in” everything would be okay. It’s not.

All of you need to wake up. [/quote]

The wife either needs to help this family find a placement for her MIL or she can STFU.  No, she is not being helpful.  She's be obstructive and unhelpful as a matter of fact.  What kind of a woman (a social worker of all things!) guilts her husband for wanting to help his own mother?

While I agree that Mom probably does need some sort of LtC facility, that isn't going to happen overnight and in the meantime Dad needs help. He can not do this all alone.  [/quote]

Oooo you have issues. I bet you have a sil you hate. Dad needs to get real about his wife's deteriorating condition and change his work schedule. Op even stated that his family is used to and expects others to do for them. From that you get all this vitriol toward the wife. Like I said, YOU have issues pp. I also think the op is a troll and maybe you are op as well.[/quote]

No.  I have "issues" with spouses, especially spouses in helping professions, who would give their wife/husband a hard time for wanting to help out their own parent during a crisis.  What Op's dad is dealing with right now is huge and Op needs to be there for his dad.  No one is saying that he has to commit himself to providing long term dementia care for his mom.

What is happening with Op's mom did not happen overnight.  She's been sick for awhile and, if Op has any relationship with his parents at all, he knows that something has been wrong with his mom for awhile, so does SIL.  It has just now come to a head where their dad can no longer handle this alone.  He needs help while he figures things out.  I just find Op's wife's attitude disgusting - she appears to have little concern for her in-laws and zero empathy for what Op is going through.  It's all about how this inconveniences HER and how SHE doesn't want to get involved and how SHE doesn't want to pay for a sitter.  She is absolutely awful and Op shouldn't allow her crappy attitude to dictate his response to his parents' crisis.[/quote]

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