Reply to Husband leaves room to talk to MIL

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"You don't agree that a husband's main family once married is his wife? You really think parents/siblings are still his main family and not his wife? That he should prioritize them over his wife? I didn't realize he made vows with his parents and siblings or that he was sharing his life and house with them or having children with them? My bad."

NP: I think the implication that you only have value as a baby making machine is odd. But perhaps what they mean is that once you have something she wants - access to a grandchild - she'll stop treating you like crap? Unsure, since I didn't write that.

I think where you're just going so wrong OP is that it's so black and white for you. People don't just stop being primary members of their families of origin because they got married. Something went south with your MIL, no doubt. Either you created it or she did, or you both did. Either way, YOU are pitting your husband against your MIL just as much as you say she is pitting your husband against you. Every time you essentially imply, or actually state outright, that you have more value to him and are more important to him. That's not a given, and the more you dig in, the more she'll dig in, and on it goes.

Someone upthread said why not address it head on - "Hey, MIL, something feels off to me about why I'm not invited. It feels intentionally insulting, and I want to figure out what went wrong and how we can fix it." Instead, you're wanting to just "win" because you got married. 
[/quote]

Thank you for taking the time to actually form a nice response and seeing at least a little where I'm coming from instead of automatically placing all the blame on me. The issue I also took with the whole baby making thing is that the other poster was wording it in a way where it made it sound like she was justifying that type of behavior and it's ok to treat a DIL like a baby making machine. Where as you stated it but made it clear it's not right/normal and she is treating me like crap.

I definitely agree I need to have a polite non-accusatory conversation with my MIL about how it makes me feel using "I" statements when I'm intentionally left out. Spouses are usually invited as a unit/together to family dinners once married and to be told not to bring your own spouse is rather odd unless it's like a guys/girls night.

Even in cases where the MIL/FIL may not like the SIL/DIL they are still always at least invited.  What I meant when I said she is pitting my husband against me is when she specifically tells my husband to not invite me that in my mind is pitting him against me by making him tell me I'm not invited. Generally I believe in cases like this the spouse does come first once married. Im not talking about in emergency situations im talking about in cases like this where his mother is making him choose by asking him to go somewhere where his wife isn't wanted. I hope that clarifies what I meant a little better. [/quote]

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