Reply to Would you get an amnio? Ambiguous genitalia at 20 week US

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP:
Have also been following your story and thinking about you.

Our first child had some medical issues at birth and spent a lot of time in the NICU and  I was sort of consumed with understanding why it happened and in retrospect, I just want to share this with you.  THere was a study done that showed that the number one predictor of whether or not a mom blamed themselves in some way for a medical outcome with a pregnancy was the mother's education level.

In other words, educated women tend to want to have an explanation, and in doing so, they often find themselves creating/concocting an explanation that implicates them in some way.  Don't do this!  And if reading things online is causing you to have those sorts of thoughts (Is it because I went to that party and ended up getting the flu when I knew I should have stayed home?  IS it because I ate deli meat that one time?  The one glass of wine?) then stop reading.  (I had the flu at 29 weeks and we have a kid on the autistic spectrum and I read something that said that exposure to some viruses at that stage might be implicated and I spent a year beating myself up for going to a Christmas party where I likely got the flu.  People with perhaps less education who read less, including medical journals, would likely never have gotten this information and put these two events together.)

Take care of yourself.  Breathe deeply.  Be joyful about birthing a new life and stop reading if it's upsetting you.  You may never know why this happened but don't miss out on the joy of a new baby because you're consumed with this question. (I'm speaking from experience here.)

THinking about that corny poem by Rumi about how 'your children are not your own.  They are the outcome of life's longing for itself' and our job is to nurture them while they're here.  In my case, I realized that thinking that I "made" the baby and therefore I was responsible for any negative outcomes was kind of arrogant because we're really just the custodians of their lives, but they come from God or the universe or something else, and not only from our bodies.  Thinking of you.
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This is so helpful and beautiful, thank you! [/quote]

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