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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I really don't understand your latest post, specifically the statement that all the many doctors and specialists you've seen in the past year have told you that your DD is fine and just a late bloomer.

That's completely at odds with previous statements you've made on this thread, for example on page 2: "Her team at NIH concluded that her bone delay is most likely a result of “insufficient caloric intake." It's also contradicted by the very conversation that precipitated your original post, the suggestion by her dietician who is part of her medical team at Childrens' that you may need to consider a feeding tube.

So which is the correct version -- a fine late bloomer or a child whose growth is significantly delayed by insufficient nutrients? [/quote]

DP.  I read that post as saying that she has received conflicting opinions from various doctors.  There have also been conflicting opinions in this thread.  It's hard enough parenting when you know what the right thing to do is, it's even harder when you don't know what the right thing to do is.  [/quote]

OP here. Thank you. You've hit the nail on the head. If it seems confusing and overwhelming, imagine how it feels to us.

Yes, we've received conflicting advice, even from the same specialists (e.g. the dietician who told us to relax about eating three months ago, then suggested a feeding tube last week, then said to try supplements instead five minutes later). Even she didn't recommend limiting activity. Her endos weren't overly concerned about her growth, maybe because they see small children all the time, and suggested we follow up with a ped GI and nutritionist. They couldn't say which was a greater factor, genetics or nutrition. Her ped [b]GI ruled out underlying illness and referred us to a dietician and therapist for anxiety.[/b] Her therapist is not concerned about eating disorders and does not recommend medication. Her primary care physician has never been concerned. [b]My husband is satisfied we have excellent doctors all telling us she is fine, except a dietician who has contradicted herself. He believes we are causing her anxiety with all this testing and stress. He may be right, but how can we know we are doing the right thing?[/b] What if we miss something? What if we choose the wrong approach? Are we in denial or trying to make sense of the advice we've been given?

Today I will meet with a new pediatrician who hopefully can guide us. Someone needs to steer this ship, or at least coordinate her care. DD is angry I'm dragging her to yet another doctor. DH is angry we are paying out of pocket for a doc who doesn't take our insurance. And once again, I'm doubting myself, but doing my best to focus on food and fun. Those are the only things I know for certain we need right now.[/quote]

You have a number of specialists -- particularly and ped. GI (who sees lots of kids who have eating issues and physical GI issues) -- and they are telling you that there is nothing physically wrong with your child that they can fix.  They point to anxiety.  Even your questioning (i.e. what if we miss something, what if we choose wrong, etc.) points to YOUR anxiety.  I do get it, OP.  I have spent many years stressing over my low-weight kid's health.  But, what's different b/t you and me is that you are insisting in the face of evidence by the medical professionals that something is wrong with your child.  But, there is no physical evidence of disease.  There is evidence of anxiety... maybe that is native to your child... maybe part of it is coming from your stress.  The fact that she cried when she couldn't eat doesn't mean she has an eating disorder.  It could mean that she is stressed out so much that she doesn't have an appetite and/or she wants to please you, but just can't eat.  All of this could be explained by anxiety around eating (be it from her or you).  It's a lot of stress.  She surely has received a lot of messages that there is something WRONG with her.  Of course she is going to have a hard time figuring out if she is eating to please you and the doctors or to please herself.

Your child doesn't want to go to another doctor.  Gee, I wonder why!  How many people did you list in you post above that said to dial it down?  Your husband, your daughter (you know... the one who has no control over this escalating situation), various doctors and specialists.  What's the worst thing that happens if you say to yourself:  I'm going to just drop the whole food/eating problem solving thing for 4 mos. and see what happens?  I feel like there are a lot of arrows pointing at you needing to calm yourself.  Your husband is on the ground and seeing your child first hand.  He and your DD should be the ones who you listen to the most.  Not random people on DCUM.

And for those who are concerned about an eating disorder, that's a legit concern generally, but don't you have to be careful to make sure you aren't taking more control away from the person who already feels out of control (if there is an eating disorder)?  Isn't treatment going to require that the person with an eating disorder gets MORE control over their future.  I don't know that your DD has and Eating Disorder... but she's probably on the way to getting one b/c of all the anxiety and stress around her eating and growing.

My advice:  Listen to your husband and DD.  Work with them to discuss your concerns and a plan -- a plan that your DD has some agency and ownership of.  Maybe that plan is that you back off of the medical appointments for her for X mos.  During that time you will probably need to see a therapist for your anxiety b/c you won't get through the X mos. without talking to someone.  See what happens.  Give your daughter some space to step forward into owning her health.  If you are up on her all the time about eating, you don't give her any place to step up to.  Let her dance.  Let her exercise (so long as it isn't 4 hrs per day excessive).  I think you have stated the answers that the experts have -- but, you are not comfortable taking those answers.  That's what needs work.[/quote]

I disagree with this 100%. I think you are on the right track with meeting with the new pediatrician, OP. 
 [/quote]

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