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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Again, OP hosts IN HER OWN HOME already. This is about OP "getting" this particular holiday, with her Inlaws. Not about hosting in general.

OP here. How does me hosting my family sometimes equal my kids having a sleepover in our basement with their DH-side cousins? How does it equal “spa” time in my home with my SIL, who loves the jacuzzi at my house? How does it equal basketball games in our driveway with BIL?[/quote]

Op, you're being ridiculous.  Now it's not about sharing hosting responsibilities, but about how much better your house is than MIL's?  It just proves what I was thinking that it's not about traditions or starting your own, but really you just hate going to MIL's house and you want to take over hosting.

Because what now?  Let's say everyone comes to your house for T-giving and loves it (like you say).  Will you do Christmas? and Easter too?  I mean if everyone really loves your house so much more than MIL's, then they'd prefer to come to your place for all the holidays, right?[/quote]

OP here. Our hope is to have everyone who actively wants to host have a turn at hosting, including MIL! DH and I love having people over and would love to have the full holiday experience with DH's family, especially the cousins. We also know for a fact that BIL and his wife would love to host a holiday. I have no idea whether DH's aunt/uncle would like to host, or his adult cousin, but I don't think so. Anyway, three people actively want to host--MIL, SIL/BIL and DH and me. Why on Earth is it so wrong for us to all get to host every now and again, if that's what we want? I'd even be happy with something like:

Year 1: Easter at MIL's, Thanksgiving at our place
Year 2: Fourth of July at SIL's, Christmas at MIL's
Year 3: Easter at our place, Thanksgiving at MIL's
and so on

Please keep in mind this is already on top of her usually hosting Fourth of July and a set-in-stone DH family beach trip that is at the same house every year; a house she chose long ago (and yes, we pay our own way so you can take that off your snark list).[/quote]

Look, you clearly resent your MIL and think this represents some kind of injustice against you.  That's fine, but don't act all surprised when she gets upset when you aggressively change things that have been done the same way for a long time.  It's not your job to re-structure your IL's family traditions. [/quote]

Agree with this. It does sound like you don't like that your husband's family spends every holiday with their mother at the home where they grew up and now you want to stake your claim to having a holiday at your house. This is in addition to already having some of the holidays with your own family of origin at your house.

The bottom line is that you have hurt the feelings of your husband's mother. She can forgive you but she is now very aware that you resent her, if she wasn't already. On top of that, you're making it sound as though she has somehow done something wrong to want to gather together with her family in the home where her children grew up. 
[/quote]

Wow.  It's actually perfectly fine to decide that to have holidays in one's own home.

And, frankly, this MIL earned whatever discomfort she has now for not loosening her grip earlier.  If OP and her DH and the BIL/SIL have made motions to host and been met with resistance, well, eventually push comes to shove, and, yeah, feelings might get a little hurt--and, yeah, she might might feel like her DILs resent her *because they do.*

Oh well!  MIL has been more than accommodated for years.  If she ever thought about what other people wanted besides her, she might not have found herself in this position.[/quote]

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