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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If this situation did not involve a mother in law and daughter in law, would people feel the same way about how this was handled?

In the earlier example, how would people feel if your neighbors the Smiths, who had attended the Green family's party every year for many years, invited people seven months ahead of time to a party for St, Patrick's day when they were well aware that the Greens, the family that has held this party for about ten years, is still planning to have it?

Would you feel that the Smiths were for some reason trying to "steal" the party from the Greens?

Would you think the Green family would have a right to be upset that their whole guest list was invited to someone else's house for a party they had intended to give?

Would you feel that neighborhood tradition counts for something and be on the side of the Green family?

Or would you think that someone new should get to have the party?

What if the Smiths had a bigger house and nicer linens, china, and silver? Does that give them the upper hand for having the party at their house?

I'm just curious about how people feel about a situation like this when you take away the mother and daughter in law dynamic. (And something similar to the above actually happened in my neighborhood, so I have an idea about how people reacted in real life.)
[/quote]

Except this doesn't hold up as a good example. Why?

- Because St. Patrick's Day isn't a meaningful holiday for most people. 
-Because St. Pat's isn't a day traditionally spent with family.
-Because, logistically speaking, St. Pat's Day does not = time off work, time off school, time off from sports events and other obligations; the world doesn't "stop" for St. Pat's Day, so it's not a good opportunity to travel to see family.
-Because St. Pat's Day isn't typically celebrated in a home-with-family environment.
-Because St. Pat's Day doesn't typically involve overnight guests and the "prime time hosting opportunity" that Thanksgiving presents (best food, best dishes, chance to pull out all the stops and use your good stuff)

But even if we worked with your scenario, sorry, I just don't think the Greens own St. Patrick's Day. Would a heads-up phone call be nice (like the one DH gave to his mother)? Yes. But the Greens don't own that holiday. People can decide to go where they want to go.

I don't think OP even mentioned her bigger house except in the context that it is more comfortable for the overnight guests, which--as kids get bigger--we all know is a factor. And even that was a response to a question, not offered up as "SEE, I should host."[/quote]

you missed the point.  the point is, will the Greens be mad that you decided to unilaterally take over St. Patrick's day? the answer is, of course they will be upset.

perhaps you are still justified in throwing your st patrick's day party; perhaps it will even be a better party.  but, you don't get to BOTH show off your shamrock china at your party, and NOT have the green's be upset.  you can't have your cake and eat it too. if you want to make this change, you have to suck up that it will upset people.

if you prioritize (at all) not upsetting the Greens, then you'd do something a little friendlier than just announcing in July that you'll be hosting St Patrick's day next March.  You'd have a discussion, ask them about co-hosting, maybe see if you could do Cinco de Mayo instead ... [/quote]

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