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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So basically, here is my understanding of OP's situation:

His wife isn't pleasing him sexually. He has talked to her, but because it's upsetting, he doesn't push the issue. At this point, he does not want to have the sex she's offering him and thinks that it's perfectly acceptable for him to avoid her and secretly feel contemptuous of her. Doesn't want to interact with her. Doesn't want to hear about her day. Doesn't seem to care about her at all, actually.

He also doesn't want to change the situation, but at least one poster on this thread thinks that you can "declare a marriage open" in order to justify cheating. [/quote]

Hi, OP here

I don't want to push the issue/communicate with her because I have done so multiple times over the past years with no change in behavior except for her breaking down and crying.  I have resigned myself to the fact that continuing discussion is fruitless.  I don't want to have the sex she's offering because I'm not really into having sex with someone who so clearly doesn't want to have sex with me.  I don't think its OK to feel contemptuous of her or to not care about her, that is the whole point of this thread.  If I thought it was OK and I was fine with it I wouldn't have posted this thread.  What I am saying is at this point based on the history of the sexual relationship I am having a hard time figuring out how to not act this way.  I don't want to end my family becuase my wife no longer actively wants to bang me.  I was simply trying to see if anyone out there had any constructive ways that I could try to handle this situation.   [/quote]

The only way for you and your wife to move forward in your marriage is to talk about the issue. She is clearly fine with the status quo. You are not. Right now, your unhappiness is manageable in that you are not actively seeking ways out of the marriage, are not being mean to her, etc. That is not likely to continue for very long. Look at how you have been this week. She's sick and you don't care. You don't want to talk to her about it because you don't think there's anything that can be done, which is understandable, but that attitude is not going to change your situation.

You need to figure out what, specifically, you need from her. Is it weekly sex? Is it enthusiasm during sex? The second is a harder ask. The first is a thing that you can schedule, but you have to make peace with it being boring. It sounds like your wife is a repressed sexual person and really uncomfortable communicating about sexuality. Are there situations in which she relaxes and is able to be less inhibited?[/quote]

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