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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]All these pages later, and still OP hasn't told us what explanations his wife gives for having no interest in sex. And no, "she just cries and says she feels like a bad wife" is not acceptable. That's a defensive response, not a productive examination and explanation. Does she have orgasms? Is she attracted to you? Do you have real skills (not the bogus stuff you see porn guys do)? Is she angry with you?

If you've ever experienced ED, you know that feeling pressure to perform makes it worse. She could be feeling something like that.

So, any answers? [/quote]

OP Here

All these pages later, and still OP hasn't told us what explanations his wife gives for having no interest in sex. And no, "she just cries and says she feels like a bad wife" is not acceptable. That's a defensive response, not a productive examination and explanation. Does she have orgasms? Is she attracted to you? Do you have real skills (not the bogus stuff you see porn guys do)? Is she angry with you? ----Explanations mostly revolve around being tired, busy, frustrated by her day, just not in the mood right now etc.  Nothing tangible or actionable.  [b]She does have orgasms when we do have sex.[/b]  I assume she isn't attracted to me anymore or we would probably be having sex :)  [b]I think I have skills, have been with many women before her with no complaint, she had no complaint before [/b]when we were having more sex and if there is a complaint, she won't share it.  I don't think she is angry with me, overall we get along good and no major events like cheating/spending all our money on dumb things or anything like that

Maybe she's a typical burned-out woman with multiple kids and a job, who's so overextended that sleep feels better than anything. Very common for certain phases of life, and we can all sympathize with the effect on both sides.  ----She is, but she was like this starting after we got married and before we had kids.  Plus a pretty equal distribution of the house work and kid stuff, so she really shouldn't be more burned out than I am, I have a much more demanding and time intensive job.  With three kids you have to share work evenly just for the logistical aspect of it, not trying to be a super dad/husband, just needs to be done.

Does she take meds that make her enjoy sex less or not at all? Do you two have toys to help her enjoy it? If she's just sprawled there like a doll while you putter around with her, and she has no sexual response, then something is really wrong. Maybe your techniques don't suit her, and maybe she's afraid to take charge of her enjoyment and use a toy or tell you what she likes.  ----No meds that she takes.  She has a dildo she had since before we got together and I got her a vibe but she won't incorporate either. Both in her drawer, never come out.  I have asked numerous times if there is anything she wants to try/do differently and she says no.

Just wanted to respond to your questions.[/quote]

Like I said, he is not looking at himself. It's all her. Until he owns up to his own part in this -including that he may not be as skilled as he thinks- this will go nowhere.  Yes, agree that she should state her complaints if any and talk them through.  But, it's not all on her to talk about these things. If she won't get some professional help and tell her she needs to participate.[/quote]

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