Reply to What's the biggest secret you're keeping from your SO?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I hate his guts and fantasize about his funeral. What I'll wear. How I'll act. What I'll do immediately after. How well I will sleep that first night alone .....[/quote]

I fantasize when I can't get in touch with my husband for a few hours that he's had a heart attack and I'll find him dead on the floor when I get home. (He had a heart attack a couple years ago.).  Literally my only reaction to that fantasy is to think, "My mornings would be more hectic because I'd have to get the kids out of the house by myself, and I would probably have to sign up for a few extra hours per week of after-school care for the kids."  My life would be so much better (no one yelling at me...) if he weren't here.

Imagine being with someone for 10 years and having kids with them and her not being sorry if you died.[/quote]

I simply cannot believe another human being thinks like this.[/quote]

You would believe it if your spouse were emotionally abusive.  I'm actually a very nice, compassionate person.[/quote]

+1.  I spent 5 years with my undiagnosed mentally ill partner.  It was traumatizing.  10 years later I still fantasize or dream that he will die in a plane accident everytime he travels.  It is hard to live with a physically or emotionally abusive partner.  Even when the abise is driven by mental illness, it has a deeply traumatizing affect.  Even when you are separated, the relationship via the kids constantly re-exposes you to trauma.  Fantasizing that it somehow magically ends is a normal response to an abnormal situation.[/quote]

I was/am in a similar situation (10 yrs)  and can never imagine wanting someone to die.[/quote]

Glad you are perfect, except that is, for your apparent lack of empathy or ability to perceive what it might be like in another's shoes.  Actually, wishing the death of an abuser, an elderly loved one who is in decline or even a spouse, is not that uncommon a feeling.

If you went to a psychologist and confessed it, they probably would reassure you that's it's fairly normal (as long as you don't have concrete plans) and indicates a certain feeling of hopelessness or belief in the inability to escape a situation, and they would try to re-focus you on realistic steps in your control that could improve your own situation.

Of course, there is a difference between "wishing" or "thinking" about it and actually planning to do it. [/quote]

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