Reply to S/O Elder care for parents who didn't provide child care

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Reply to "S/O Elder care for parents who didn't provide child care"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You buried the real time bomb at the end, OP:

"I think DH will go along with what I decide."

And so what happens when the time comes, or MIL or FIL suddenly gets ill or has an accident or there's no money coming in and...your DH tells you, "They need us so they're going to live here"--?

The whole post was focused on your resentment of how they live their lives and especially how they did not provide the free child care you feel was your due. But nothing about how DH regards the situation other than "He'll do what I want." Maybe he does agree with you 100 percent. Maybe he agrees now, but will cave to guilt if they need to move in with you or need you to provide money so they can NOT move in with you. Maybe he actually doesn't feel the same as you but is so cowed by your anger and resentment and sense of entitlement that he won't say so to your face. No way to tell from your post.

If you don't want them living with you, you and he should say so point-blank now. If you will never give them a dime, you and he should say so point-blank now. And he, as their child, should do the telling. [/quote]

I think Op is frustrated because these reasonably young people are eyeing HER - a person with a full time job, a child and her own retirement to save for - as their financial ticket.  If they need that kind of help, if MIL is really not employable why aren't they willing to take the financial burden of daycare off of OP so that Op could set aside some of that money for them?

It is a thankless job to help people who aren't even willing to help themselves.  Op is seeing that coming down that pike at her and she resents them for it.  I also think that she is being premature with her resentment because they haven't actually asked anything of Op.  How does Op know that they even will ask?[/quote]

MIL is being very, very selfish. She isn't contributing to the family system in the slightest but is making some huge demands on it. Eff that. [/quote]

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