Reply to Why so many single men not interested in dating?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I always assumed they are able to hookup which fulfills that need, without having to introduce further complexities to their life. [/quote]

Men are pretty simple creatures overall. I think that from mens perspective its even more simple than hookups. They can get their sexual needs met through internet-corn and then turn it off when they’re done and get back to their life’s interests.

Aside from that and some companionship, which they can get from friends and pets, everything else adds life complexity and costs.

B[b]eing in a serious relationship with a woman means accomplishing the things she needs to be fullfilled. She needs a wedding, children, a nice house, private school for the kids, vacations for all, prestigious college for the kids, a husband with a prestigious job and good money, non-whimsical fiscal responsibility - thats a LOT. By the time our sone is done with college we’ll be $1m in pretty much just for education[/b].

Guy’s only goals are really to have a girlfriend and sex. If you read these forums, once women get the wedding and the kids, none of the girlfriend stuff is left. He’s left being a rage punching bag for her resentment and forget about sex completely. Oh, and when the marriage doesn’t work out, he loses half of his stuff for life.

I know that women feel like free labor but guys really don’t need all of that stuff. Clean house, clean clothes, dishes, all of that can be done on their timeframe with no yelling or micromanagement. In the dame way that modern women are discovering peace, men are too.[/quote]

I’m lucky in that I got married at 25 and she was 23. We’ve had a great marriage and none of the resentment or no sex part. We built a great life and grown together.

But the bolded part is true. We can extend on the house because it’s in a top notch school high school, and we don’t need to take vacations..it’s more important for all of to be comfortable at home. Well a couple years go by and…the public schools are very crowded so we should send them to private high school and “we really need a family vacation.” She does work and earns well so cooking and cleaning isn’t in the cards…so on top of the big house, private high school, and vacations, it’s a litany of $350 monthly expenses to keep the household running, and about $500 a month in hair/personal care products and services and about $1k in clothes for her and our daughter. Oh, and all these milestones “only happen once” so we shouldn’t be “cheap” when they come up. So the promise of being frugal to pay for the house or private school just never happens. And since I’m responsible for the finances, every attempt at discussion substantial transaction feels like an interrogation to her.

Here’s what a guy needs, a roof over his head, food in the fridge, a loving family, and the sense that the family financial future is secure. I think guys in their mid 30’s are hearing stories from guys like me and saying “no thanks.”[/quote]

The best financial decision I've made was to insist that we both max out our 401k's. It's better that we never see that money hit our checking accounts. But yes, we've got exactly the same issues you do. Insistence that we need to take our preschooler to Europe because it's so family friendly (a trip to Europe with a preschooler is just doing childcare in a different country, and is not a vacation), complaints about how we don't have nice furniture (which our preschooler would probably destroy--we can buy nice things when the kids are older and more responsible), complaints about how we are low-income with our combined $300k income, frequent purchases of only $100 here and $100 there on makeup and clothes (described as really good deals and "investments"). And at the same time I'm looking for ways to try to reduce my already low spending (mostly just coffee at work and the occasional lunch out) in order to increase college savings because I know just how expensive that will be and the more we're able to save now, the less impact it will have on our lifestyles later. And from what I've learned, there's no way to predict whether a woman will develop these habits--my wife was definitely not like this when I met her or even at the beginning of our marriage. [/quote]

300k gross for a family of 3 in dmv is close to poverty. You need to make double that in combined income to make ends meet [/quote]

This isn’t true. It’s close to poverty if you have a wife that “needs” to live in a $1.75m house, send the kids to private school, and take 1-2 $10k vacations a year. If not, it’s plenty if money.[/quote]

It’s very low income . I’m a single woman making 380k gross and live in a one bedroom apartment in LCOL area . One child in college. I manage to save 70k/year and rather frugal. But if it were 3 people I don’t know…[/quote]

I’m assuming you’re maxing out your 401k, and your still saving $70k after taxes….which is about $105k of income.[/quote]

No, 70k includes my max 401k contribution. Child in college cost me 70k net a year (that’s including one international trip a year together, their sports, career development coaching etc  ) [/quote]

Ahh. This is what I’m talking about. You consider yourself frugal, but are paying for one international trip a year, and sports and career development counseling for a college kid.[/quote]

Yes since that’s how I lived since I was born and that’s a minimum living standard I attain to myself. I wouldn’t date a man who has different lifestyle expectations and can’t bring to table at least what I make [/quote]

So google AI is estimating that only 3-5% of male earners in the DC area make at least $380k. I'd bet that a substantial percentage of those men are married. Sure, it only takes one, but that's a pretty small pool you're fishing in.[/quote]

5% is about 160k men earning over $380k.  Honestly, that sounds like a lot to choose from.

The problem is finding someone that you’re attracted to, have chemistry with and share common goals.

If you’re an unattractive guy making that much its not a great scenario. Basically, she’ll have been “dating” guys she’s physically attracted to and has chemistry with until she gets tired of that scene and wants to settle down and find someone with whom she can accomplish her marriage/kids goal. The sex will be boring to her to the point its just bad. It will die out soon after the kids are born. Then you’re just left having to pay for it all.[/quote]

This mentality is the exact reason men rather stay single. [/quote]

Meh. It's easy to date at your level and avoid this. Date the girl who would have dated you in high school, not the girl who thinks you are cute now because you have money. When you go for a woman that is much more attractive than you and then put no effort to your looks, blame yourself.[/quote]

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