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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Anecdata sample of 1 but my ex left the day I told him I knew he was having an affair. Was I "blindsided"? Not at all. At least in terms of his banging other women.

What blindsided me was the ensuing war he launched against me. I requested mediation and no drama. He insisted on litigation and some weird vengeance. It's still going 18 months later. He has refused any of my offers to settle even though I am the defendant. He dragged our kids into it and tells them everything. He insists on going to trial, which is insane because Bill Gates he is not. I believe their divorce was settled more quickly than mine.

It's really hard to go through the legal system with a person who wants to extract blood. It seems pretty clear the only way he is able to justify his behavior is to cast me as the evil ex. We did sworn depositions last week. It didn't go well for him. I don't think he has considered that eventually his actions were going to catch up with him. I have moved on, done lots of therapy, don't hate him, and I absolutely see my part in the unraveling of the marriage. There are times I feel sorry for him that he is so consumed by anger. He's never done any work on himself so I'm guessing he can't begin to see why he is so angry, but that's his problem not mine.

I'm hoping after his disastrous deposition he may finally agree to settle this and move on with his life. [/quote] I would love to know as well! I assume it is helpful to him to put up a fight for the reason I said - his behavior has been so shameful that the only way I believe he can justify it to himself is to portray me as a monster. In truth I'm only a little bit monstrous.... ;-) Once he insisted on litigating, no matter how many people including his friends begged him not to, I had no choice. The legal fees have been staggering. It's sad. I think it infuriates him that I didn't lean into the role of the jilted wife. I picked myself up and got my $hit together and refused to play dirty. I treat the divorce as "this thing I have to deal with when I have to deal with it" and otherwise carry on with my life grateful in a million ways that he pulled the plug on a terrible relationship. I wish I had had the guts to do it myself but I wouldn't have used another person as an excuse to leave. I was in the thinking about it stage when he left so perhaps that's why this hasn't devastated me. But I'm really sorry for how it has played out with our kids, and I know I bear some responsibility for that even if I don't talk to them about any of this, ever. I let them grow up in a family with parents who barely tolerated each other. No bueno.
If he’s with his AP then why is he dragging out the divorce? Looks like you’re well rid of him.[/quote][/quote]

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