Reply to Am I out of line? Refusing to host ILs for Xmas?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Am I out of line? Refusing to host ILs for Xmas?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband works a pretty demanding job and has to hustle before holidays to make up work when, like for Thanksgiving, his office will be closed Thursday and Friday. On the other hand, I don’t work most holiday weeks. Because of that, I do the majority of the preparation for hosting. This year we hosted ILs. I spend the week before planning menus and making dinner reservations, the weekend shopping with DH for most of the food, Monday and Tuesday cleaning the house and preparing for guests, and running out for last minute things. I also did 50% of the cooking, serving, refilling of glasses, making sure toilet paper was stocked and trashed bags not overflowing, etc.

On Friday, MIL started in on a topic and then attempted to start a debate she knew would upset DH, and then got really upset when he shut her down. Before she left on Saturday, she let him (and by extension me) know that she has never felt like she is welcome in our home. I was gobsmacked but DH attempted to placate her before they left.

We are supposed to host them again for Christmas and I don’t think I want to anymore, after that comment. I think the comment was more to hurt DH, and they didn’t think of the implications it meant for me, who they know does the bulk of the planning and preparation for their visit, not to mention the hospitality. To say they have never felt welcome here is a smack in the face, and I told DH as much. I’m calmer now and have had time to think and yeah, I don’t want them in my house again this month, and no, a forced apology won’t help.

Am I out of line? I’m going to speak to DH tonight based off of what you all think.[/quote]

My MIL sent us a letter that said this exact thing, that they never felt welcome in our home. We hosted them for almost 20 years, often for over two weeks at time. We paid for everything, catered to their every ask, want, need, etc. Bent over backwards to accommodate their weird quirks, ever-changing diets, forgotten clothes, anything. This was 5 years ago. We’ve never had them back since. [/quote]

Ok what is it with this “unwelcome” thing??? My MIL has also mentioned this to DH. We are somewhat laid back hosts but we are normal, warm people truly happy to have guests.

I am suspicious that it comes from a deep discomfort not being “in charge”. I wonder if, for some MILs, they have grown so comfortable being the lady of the house, the host, etc it feels uncomfortable to be hosted and to be a guest in someone’s home.

This is especially the case for their son’s home as the dynamic used to be that they were in charge of the house their son lived in. Now it’s son/dil’s home and they are the ones running the show. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics