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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's common except the stuggle part.

The gray divorces I know (at least the women) are all financially secure and more than happy being single.

I think they ones that would face financial and emotion struggle are just white knuckling it and staying. [/quote]

I know a few long term SAHMs who chose gray divorce, once their husbands were at retirement. They stayed during the working years, and then become financially sound by taking (rightfully) half of the retirement and savings and having their own life/retirement with more choices. [/quote]

I'll never understand this tradeoff. Life is so short, I just don't understand being miserable for years and then once you are well into your late 50s suddenly you have all this grandiose plans with all this money. Travel, romance, fun sex etc all of that is more enjoyable when you are younger [/quote]

Kids. That's it. Some parents choose delayed gratification to raise their kids under one roof and tuck them in every night.  But once their off and we feel we've done the lion's share of our job as parents, it's our turn to focus on our happiness again with whatever time we have left.  [/quote]

This is me as well.  I have basically hated my wife for 15 years, but sacrificed my happiness for my kids stability.   I never cheated and I do regret marrying her, but my commitment is more important than my happiness.  2 more years….[/quote]

You mean you’re staying for the free high quality child care, cooking, home mgmt, scheduling, health monitoring, cleaning and logistics mgmt your unpaid wife is doing, while also working a full time job or not.

Oh and you also get an ego and image boost because you appear like a functional Family Guy. Not only working all the time but likeable enough to still be married and see your kids anytime when convenient.

So instead of fixing the underlying issues in your marriage and household, you tag along like the selfish leech that you are, doing your own thing but continuing the facade of a married father.[/quote]

Amazing how off base you can be.   This is not something I tell the people in my life.   She is the one with the image boost from not having the world know that she would leave the kids home to go cheat during the day.   I love my kids more than I value my happiness.   Since those times she has become a great mom, but she is a horrible spouse.

You sound like you could benefit from meeting a man in real life as an individual.   I am far from perfect, but I do apologize when I am wrong and attempt to make decisions that will not only benefit me.  I also don’t run from responsibility.   Living with the pain of this marriage is much harder than I ever imagined, because I see the loss of us and the woman I loved every day.[/quote]

So your wife, a “great mom” now, years before that, left her young kids home alone to supposedly go cheat and have an affair? And you confronted her? Or assumed? Or nothing?

That’s great you love your kids. everyone does, even absentee incarcerated fathers of six. They all say they love their children so, so much.

But talk is cheap. Action is where it’s at. Care is demonstrated love. Not words. [/quote]

You either really know crappy people or are you dealing with a situation that feels personal to you?  It reads like you either disagree with my decisions or hate the idea of a person sacrificing their wants, needs and desires for someone else that they care about.

Yes I confronted and it was confirmed, though not immediately and only partially.  I know enough to know the love of my life would never treat me the way my wife did.

I am not out to destroy her, she will get half of everything and find a job prior to our D, but I  don’t believe my kids should wonder if they were unworthy because of our poor decisions.  I may be handling this wrong, but I won’t find out until later if my commitment to their wellbeing over my happiness pays dividends for them.  I hope I am lucky enough to find someone else to create a fulfilling relationship without the burden of betrayal, heartbreak and shame.

We are civil with each other and engaged with the kids, I yearn for the time when the woman who broke me and destroyed our family is significantly less prominent in my life.  She would like us to reconcile, but the damage done through HER ACTIONS AND WORDS was not cheap.   I paid a high price for her lack of character, commitment and values, including being judged by an anonymous, self-righteous internet troll with no knowledge of my situation.

Hopefully, I will be lucky enough to find a woman to love and respect, who also loves and respects me someday.  [/quote]

You sound like you have a fragile ego and can hold a grudge. I was married to a man like you and it nearly destroyed me. Sure, I could be projecting and your wife is/was truly awful. But your self-righteous resentment is also pretty awful. [/quote]

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