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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Quick update: I have a long list of attorneys from my friends for Monday morning and a safety plan for my child just in case. Am telling close friends and family the facts for safety. Have most documents in hand now but some are missing. Have contacted financial advisor and informed him of the situation in case DH has not and have told him that I will be in touch as soon as I have an attorney and in meantime to freeze all transactions on our accounts. Nothing should be happening without dual authorization but wanted to make sure it was in writing. Contacting tax guy on Monday to see if he can chase down a few missing forms.[/quote]

Good for you OP.

Why does your son need a safety plan? I didn’t see child abuse in your posts?

Wishing you and your son the best, you will get through this. [/quote]

Any woman leaving any man should have a safety plan in place for herself and her children. Sometimes the first episode of physical violence occurs when the emotionally abusive partner is faced with the end of the relationship and more importantly, a loss of control. In my years as a DV advocate and later prosecutor, I saw too many cases where men who were losing their families - even if they initiated the relationship disruption to begin with - ended up losing their sh*t and hurting or killing their kids/partners. If the husband already has a significant mental illness issue, it's even more important to have a safety plan in mind - do whatever you can to protect yourself in the leaving process.[/quote]

Are you a bot? OP isn’t leaving an abusive situation. Her husband moved out on her and child recently, and has now filed for divorce. The biggest danger OP faces is her ex husbands total lack of effs. He’s out.

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I’m OP and I won’t post the details of my situation but in a general way I will say that with mental illness comes abuse. And I will leave it at that because I think some people are jumping on this thread in the mood to pick me apart for sport. [/quote]

I’m not picking you apart for sport. But I’ve been in an abusive situation and receiving an email you seemed to be in denial about (even though living separately from your spouse) is not abuse.

Be very careful if you’re discussing safety plans etc for a child with the child. This is alienation 101.

How old is your child, OP? You mentioned sports teams and school and stuff but I don’t think their age. [/quote]

+1. I’m not even sure why you would discuss a “safety plan” with a child in these circumstances. Fine if OP thinks she needs one but no need to tell kid about it (sounds like this is a younger kid). [/quote]

The part of the plan that DS needs to know is where he needs to go if I’m not home and something happens or if I say go now and can’t go too. I talked about it in a very calm, age appropriate way and assured them that by planning it we won’t need it and it’s good to have emergency plans for fires or break-ins anyway.

DS needs to know which house to run to and who will be home when after the threats DH made the day he came to talk to DS. DS is a young middle schooler so safe to leave the house on their own and get to another person’s house. [/quote]

So you went from thinking you were going to repair your marriage to your DH being so horrible your child needs a safety plan? huh? I just think you need to tread carefully here and make sure your reasoning is not being distorted by your (justifiable) anger and shock. Unless you are going to the mat to get 100% custody and a restraining order, drilling a “safety plan” into your child seems designed to make them fear their father. Which could go wrong for you in court. [/quote]

Yes. There was a rapid escalation of behavior that had been increasingly erratic but not dangerous in the prior months. I may have mentioned it in previous posts, but when he came over to announce the divorce, as he walked out he made multiple verbal threats to me about what he was going to do and what was going to happen to me. I don’t have sufficient information or threat for a restraining order, but I could not live with myself if he turned on my child again instead of me and this time did something to cause him bodily harm. My hope is that a safety plan is something I can look back on in the distant future when STBX is stable and see as totally unnecessary because he’s become a reliable and stable and safe father to my DS.

I don’t think I should continue to put more detail here going forward but I want to say again that it has been the worst says of my life and I am grateful for the anonymous people here who have been here as a sounding board and offered intelligent advice and kept me going hour by hour. [/quote]

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