Reply to Is my wife being unrealistic about her expectations of my work life balance?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s nuts that in 2025, the sahm position is that taking care of two young kids, one of whom goes to daycare, is beyond the capacity of the stay at home parent, and this can only be reasonably managed with childcare.

I am fascinated and disgusted that some women have not only convinced their husbands that there is so much value in the work done by a stay at home mom that they shouldn’t work out of the house, but also that their husbands should go out of pocket to pay for childcare and house cleaners while their wives perform this apparently imperative function. (I understand ops wife is on maternity leave and planning to go back to work, so it’s not exactly the situation here. But there are lots of posters suggesting that op is expecting too much of her to watch two kids on a day when she is not working - so same sentiment). [/quote]

you’re fascinated and disgusted that a woman wants support caring for two small children one of whom is an infant possibly breastfeeding? And you then wonder why women are declining to have lots of babies? Come on. [/quote]

I’m a woman and find it this strange. The older kid is in full day daycare most days. I have no issue with women opting out of having kids, but I do think it’s odd to try and opt out of the ones you do have.[/quote]

Oh, so asking for some help from the other parent of your infant and preschooler is “opting out” of childcare? GTFO. [/quote]

Yes, complaining about the spouse giving a presentation to the c-suite on the first day you have to take care of both kids solo is pathetic. Embarrassingly so.[/quote]

if he failed to even communicate and work out a plan with her - and just silently expected her to do it all - then yes, he’s being a sh*tty user. The message is “you are my nanny and I control the division of labor in the household.”

If OP had taken a moment to be RESPECTFUL of his wife and coordinate the day, then he wouldn’t be here right now. [/quote]

He is at work.  She is on maternity leave.  That he works from home doesn't change that. It is astonishing that even though this mas been repeated over and over, some of you don't grasp it.

If he'd been working from the office, no one would have an issue with anything that he's done.  He's at work, giving presentations.  She is home, watching the kids.  [/quote]

I guess I would still expect DH to say something like, “sorry I can’t help.  I have to present on those quarterly reports today.”

Then later in the day, something like, “how is it going?  I’m thinking of you.”

I also would expect some kind of earlier communication like,  “I got out of having to fly to California so I could be here with you and the baby, but I have to do the meeting remotely next week.”

Just because it’s assumed that someone is default childcare doesn’t mean they stop being your spouse and life partner.  
[/quote]

Everyone on this thread with a paying job is telling you: You are being unreasonable.

Sure, chat about this stuff because you're married and it comes up.  But NONE of the above is subject to any kind of discussion or compromise. Not during maternity leave or when you have a sahm. We're not talking about an absent DH. We're talking about a DH who is working from 10am to 5:10pm.  [/quote]

Sure it is.  
If he had told her that he was presenting at these meetings today, maybe she would have volunteered to leave the house or asked if he wanted to go to her parent’s house.   
If he had told her that he wasn’t going to go to the meeting in California, maybe she would be grateful.  Or maybe she would say that it’s actually easier for her if he’s out of the house.

It’s always better to communicate with your spouse.    [/quote]

He didn't say that he -didn't- say those things to her. Given how involved he otherwise is, I suspect he -did- tell her he had this work today.

But you're suggesting that he should have not only mentioned the extra work to his wife, but also had a conversation about -who- was going to handle what childcare that day. You indicated that OP was an ass for assuming his wife, while on maternity leave, would handle a 5-hour stretch of watching both kids while he worked. You said that he should have brought it up with her, with the expectation that it was TBD what spouse was handling what during that 5 hours.  That's unreasonable.  When you literally have a spouse around who is not working that day. [/quote]

I think you are talking to multiple people.  
But I don’t see anywhere that anyone said that it was TBD who should watch the kids.  Only that a conversation should have been had about what the plan was that day.

You are assuming that there was a conversation, but I think it’s entirely possible that the OP does NOT share all of the ins and outs of his work with his wife, he didn’t talk to her about what was going on that day, and she isn’t a lunatic.  [/quote]

Serious question - what’s to discuss, you acknowledge it’s not TBD on who takes care of the kids.

There is 0% chance that OP is writing multiple paragraphs here and not talking to his wife. Some of you are nuts. I kind of believe this is all made up to keep the conversation going.[/quote]

A lot of people aren’t great at communicating with their spouse.  I mean, there was one text between them all day while he was doing these meetings, and it was from her to him.  He definitely wasn’t texting or telling her that things were crazy that day.

If he talked to her like an equal and not an employee, they could have made a plan together to make sure that she was out of his hair while he was doing these important meetings.  But in all of the paragraphs he wrote, there is no indication of a conversation.

[/quote]

He said they have quarterly planning meetings and he mentioned this one day of presentations[/quote]

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