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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would secretly be upset if my child went to a state school. I would not openly freak out like OP is saying. [/quote]

Your kid is non secretly upset with your parenting. [/quote]

Actually my child has already said he does not want to go to UVA. He absolutely would also be upset if he did not get into a T10 school. I know how competitive it is so I’m trying to make him feel like he should be proud and happy to go to UVA.[/quote]

That was us last year. I would have been sad for them if they only got UVA, which was definitely a safety for tehm as a Val of a top school. That is a very common feeling among the top 10% at our private, other than the Wahoo diehards. Many see UVa as settling. Which it is, kind of, as 22-25% of the graduating class gets into UVA each year. Across town about 5-6% get into UVA and those top kids are "happier" with that outcome because it is rare. Uva in state is not a rare outcome at many schools including top privates and top publics. Kids want to get in rare places. That is human nature. [/quote]

yes it's human nature.  But your kid should not put others down for "wanting UVA" or whatever school is their dream school.  They should also not be overly disappointed/depressed for days if they don't get into their reaches.  They should be able to see their future is still very bright because of who they are and their hard work.

That's where I think many have issues[/quote]

These are 17/18 year olds who are in many cases getting the first real rejections of their (privileged) lives.  It is ok for them to feel disappointed.  It’s ok for them to be silly (as seen from an adult’s perspective).  Barring mental health issues, they will get over it and learn from the experience.  And build resilience.

Teens feel things intensely. Do you remember waiting for a phone call from that guy who you thought might ask you to prom?   And being devastated when he didn’t call?  I look back on that reaction and wonder what the heck was wrong with me.  Why didn’t I call him?  Who really cared?   But at that time it was all consuming.

Celebrate your kids.  This intensity of desires and needs is what drives humanity forward.  [/quote]

yes, celebrate your kids.  But as parents, we can do a better job of preparing them for the college process.  My kids knew that reaches were just that.  For the one, it was T30 schools with single digit acceptance rates.  So they knew that while they have the stats, so do 90%+ of those applying, yet 90%+ won't get an acceptance.  So we helped them focus on a balanced list of reaches, targets and safeties.  They ended up deciding between their top 2 targets and their top safety (Such a gem of a school that it remained in final contention).  So yes they were disappointed to not get into their 3 reaches, but they knew it was not a reflection on them.  After 24 hours, they moved on and focused on the schools that wante them.  (And in reality, where they are attending is actually a better fit for them, their personality and their interests outside of their major, along with being awesome for their major). Partly because we had helped prepare them(as parents and the CC) that this was a long shot for all the reaches.

So yes, I get that teens are dramatic, but some of that is because we help them build up these dream schools and don't help them realize the reality, that it's a crap shoot when acceptance rates are 5-7%.  So just like I let my kids be disappointed with their relationships and friendships, I also didn't let them mope around the house if a Guy/Girl didn't call and make the whole family miserable for a week.  They still had to come join the family for dinner, or game night or whatever was going on.  Just like we adults don't allow a bad day at work to leave us sulking and treating our family like crap, we also encourage our teens to feel their feelings but then also move on.  [/quote]

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